The Top Ten Ways to Tell if You’re A Nurse Midwife

10:  You’re talking about seeing the Crown and you’re nowhere near Buckingham Palace!

9: You know a fetoscope does not measure shoe size!

8:  Broken water never involves busted pipes in your world!

7: You can get out of a speeding ticket by showing the policeman the placenta.

6: Black Birkenstocks are the most formal footwear you own.

5. You can eat cherry jello while watching a birthing movie!

4: You’ve used a speculum to put on a tight pair of shoes.

3: You know the only appropriate use for forceps is as salad tongs!

2: You’ve had your picture taken with so many babies you should run for office!

and the number one way to tell you’re a nurse midwife:

1: You call getting out of beeper range your vacation!

Happy Labor Day to all the Nurse Midwives out there!