Posts Tagged 'stress'

Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on August 2, 2010

Being true to oneself can be very difficult, especially for women. We are by nature nurturers, and that need seems to make us feel the need to take care of everything we come in contact with, often at the expense of our health.

I find it interesting that June Cleaver seems to have returned from the dead. So many young women are repeating a history that I’ve long left behind. They work; take care of their homes; and enroll their children in sports, accelerated learning classes, music lessons, and God knows what else so that the little ones can graduate from kindergarten with high honors.

These moms drive their children to and from these numerous events in their big SUVs, while complaining how tired they are (or they spend hours on the phone deciding whose turn it is to carpool). If that’s not enough, add in going to the gym, trying to manage the home front, and being sexy if they can manage to stay awake. As a result many of today’s young women are suffering from anxiety and depression.

Gee, I can’t imagine why!

I spent years believing that no one could do anything without my direction, and whatever needed to be taken care of would be done best by me. Age has not only tempered this mindset, but also for many of my female friends who’ve realized that no one’s going to reminisce about how perfect they were.

Much of life is like a movie or a play and we become the characters with a story line we’ve memorized. It’s often difficult to change the dialogue because the rest of the players are used to you giving them their cues.

It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t want to be known for how perfect I was, because it was really an illusion. My goal now is to be remembered as a wild, zany, eccentric mother and grandmother.

No one is perfect nor should they want to be. It’s a goal that only leads to anxiety and makes the people around you wish you’d be abducted by aliens.

Life is so much more fun when you loosen up and lighten up. The ultimate irony is that when you’re flexible, you’re actually more productive, and your friends and family will feel more relaxed and comfortable.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: Loretta Laroche, perfection, stress, stress reduction for nurses

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on May 24, 2010

Often we’re rushing around so much that we become incredibly intolerant of others. Time has become a measurement of how much needs to get done, and life is a daily race. Sadly, many of us live under the illusion that when we reach the finishing line we will feel relief.

This becomes a daily ritual which in and of itself causes a great deal of stress and leaves us frustrated and unable to connect in a civilized manner. The irony of this mindset is that the very opposite is true.

If we slow down and take the time to be polite and considerate, we actually have more respect for ourselves. When we act more humane, our minds and bodies are freer to be more present and focused, therefore, we are more productive.

As a child, my grandmother spent hours teaching me manners. My mother worked, and so it became grandma’s responsibility to create her ideal, a dignified, gracious human being. Anything else would not be tolerated and if she witnessed anything less, she would repeat over and over that I was acting like an animal.

“Don’t chew with your mouth open,”

“Put your fork down when you’re not eating,”

“Think before you speak,”

“Don’t mumble.”

These instructions, plus many more, had a dual purpose: They helped me function better in society, and they were a source of pride for her.

To my grandmother, there was no greater sin than being ill-mannered. It brought disgrace upon her good name. For that she reserved the ultimate punishment-silence. Silence from an elderly Sicilian grandmother can be compared to life imprisonment. An entire act accompanied the silence-great big sighs, heavy walking while she prayed for your soul, and hand gestures similar to what the Roman emperors gave to those that were about to die.

Finally my grandfather would intercede by yelling “Basta” (enough). He was the only one who could end the punishment, aside from God.

Human survival is dependent on healthy relating. The process of people interacting requires understanding, kindness, consideration, compassion and acknowledgment—-which is what manners are all about.

The poet William Blake sums it up beautifully: “Everything that lives, Lives not alone, Nor for itself.”

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: can we have it all, get a life, having it all, Loretta Laroche, manners, stress

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Get A Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on March 22, 2010

I can make myself go off the deep end by playing and replaying conversations in my head or by going over something that might happen. My inner saboteurs love to tease and torment me.

I particularly hate injustices, and I will spend precious moments playing the Ping-Pong match of who said what, the fact they shouldn’t have said it, and how unfair it is. I can get into this almost to the point of obsession, like a song you hear that you can’t get out of your head no matter what you do.

I find talking to myself helps a great deal. We often forget that we are our own best friends. Taking the responsibility to intervene on your own behalf is a very important part of breaking the cycle of distress and anxiety.

When you find yourself awfulizing , catastrohizing , and thinking about what you “should” have said, consider doing the following. First and foremost, you might want to consider not “shoulding” on yourself. And secondly, if you want an immediate reaction just yell, “Stop it!” or “Shut up!”.

Now, the irony is that you’re yelling at yourself for having thoughts you can’t control. However, doing this appears to have some magical prosperities and seems to startle the mind into obeying.

You need to be forceful and loud, and if possible use expletives. Obviously, this precludes using the technique when you’re at a social event or in church.

Assigning a four letter word to a number works well and is quite comical. You can shout out numbers all you want and no one will catch on.

Last summer when I was taking my daily walk, and I had gotten into one of my internal torture sessions that was going nowhere, I decided to take forceful action. I started shouting “shut up” and numbers from one through ten.

Unfortunately, I hadn’t noticed that one of my neighbors was standing close to the road, watering his lawn despite the fact that there was a watering ban. He looked at me red-faced and muttered that he hoped I wouldn’t tell anyone. I muttered ”Okay” and quickly walked away, because I was about to burst into laughter and I didn’t want him to see me.

This made me realize that I should look around before I shout out again because “They” may take me away. I don’t know who “They” are, but “They’re everywhere”. The good news is that if “They” do take me away it will be a short trip.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: Loretta Laroche, stress, stress management for nurses

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Get A Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on January 11, 2010

I imagine many men who might be reading this article have often wondered why women spend so much time in the bathroom.

MIT went so far as to do some research in the area. They discovered that women on average spend 90 minutes in public bathrooms vs. men who only spend thirty.

Some of this is quite obvious.

Women have more to take off and are much more interested in seeing if they look good before they leave, and we love to chat with other women and compare notes about just about anything.

More importantly, however, is the toilet training that has been handed down through the generations which takes time and effort. I remember going shopping with my mother and having to go to the bathroom. My mother took my hand and led the way.

We then went into the stall and the lesson began. She demonstrated the proper way to take the toilet paper and layer it on the seat so that I would not have direct contact with it. Then I was to gently sit on it, so that the paper did not bunch up and fall into the middle of the bowl.

Now she was exceedingly adept at this. When I attempted it on my own I found that my configurations only ended up bunching together leaving me with a bare seat.

When I reported this to my mother she said forget the paper, just hover over the seat. And so began a lifetime of hovering. This is fine if your quads are up to par, but if you haven’t been going to the gym you could be in big trouble.

In recent years toilet tissue has been confined to an apparatus that looks like a Ferris wheel with a cover. In the past if you had to hover you could easily access the tissue because it was in the open on a spindle. Now in addition to behaving like a helicopter you have to try to grab a few pieces of tissue which often get stuck or come out in shreds. In order to get more you have to insert your hand into the holder and pray it doesn’t take your hand hostage.

I have often had to ask the woman in the next stall for help, hoping that she had been able to get some extra tissue without being scarred for life. I believe that the inventor of this maniacal gadget must have come from a position of extreme frugality and figured that two pieces of tissue per person was the way to keep costs down.

Well there’s more than one way to skin a cat. I now carry my own tissue and a bacterial spray, and a small hatchet in case I forget to bring them.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: humor for nurses, laughter, Loretta Laroche, stress, toilet paper

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Get A Life by Loretta Laroche

Posted by kbuxman on October 19, 2009

Whenever I do a seminar on stress management, I always get a majority of individuals who want to spend a lot of time discussing the past and how different their lives would have been if they had made better decisions. It’s all well and good to visit the past if it serves as a way to learn valuable lessons that make life more meaningful. Unfortunately most people act as if they are prisoners of their pasts.

Albert Ellis, a renowned expert in the field of cognitive behavioral therapy, coined a phrase I absolutely love. He calls getting stuck in what ifs’ “shoulding on yourself”. I should have gotten a different job, I should have married someone else, I should exercise more, eat better, and on and on.

If you can relax and stop “shoulding on yourself”, you’re going to enjoy life much more.

Here are some steps to help you live more in the here and now:

1. Whenever you get caught up in thinking about what you should have done, stop and think about what a waste of energy that is. You can’t go back and redo it, because that period of time has passed. As long as you’re still breathing, there’s a possibility that you can do it now. However, if you have no intention to follow through, give it up and move on.

2. Buy yourself a whip and keep it handy. Every time you start to drown yourself or others in “should” grab the whip and give yourself a good beating. You’re already self-flagellating, so why not do it as authentically as possible.

3. Keep a “should” journal. You’ll probably be shocked to discover how many times a day “shoulda, coulda, woulda, comes out of your mouth.

4. There are certain things that have to be done in life. Do them to the best of your ability and then forget about them.

5. Don’t allow “shoulding” to go on at home or at work. Ask people to express themselves in better ways. “Shoulding” is filled with judging and finding fault. As a result, our surroundings become a courtroom filled with prosecutors and attorneys.

Life is too precious to waste on what might have been. Get over it, get on with it and live “NOW”.

Tags: Loretta Laroche, should, shoulding on yourself, stress

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