Posts Tagged 'star charts'

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Posted by kbuxman on November 30, 2009

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Sagittarius

While “Too stupid to live” might be technically accurate, it’s not the most politically correct thing to write on your patient’s chart, Sagittarius. You’ll be happy you exercised restraint when you discover exactly who that idiot is related to!

Capricorn

There’s been an outbreak of Hilton Syndrome at your facility; that toxic, highly contagious condition that leads patients to believe they’re actually staying at a luxury hotel and not in a hospital. Symptoms include requests to plump up pillows, open and shut curtains, and make the room mate’s monitoring equipment beep less often (actually, if it’s not too much trouble, could you just shut that off…) Your patience will be tested, Capricorn, but you are made of stern stuff and shall do well, aside from one wobbly moment on Thursday.

Aquarius

Frustrations mount early in the week, Aquarius, and needless stupidity angers you. Mitigate stress by taking time out to do things that make you happy. A brief respite will provide the much needed recharge your batteries are longing for!

Pisces

Entitlement is the issue of the week, Pisces, as manifested by your very wealthy patient’s meltdown when you have no medication samples to give them. Make it work for you: after listening to that nonsense, you’re surely entitled to a quick ten minute break to restore your sanity!

Aries

This week provides you with an opportunity to educate your fellow nurses. How else would they know you can do a triple somersault after slip-sliding through a puddle housekeeping ‘missed’ and still land on your feet? I don’t know if they’re going to believe your claim that you did an assessment at the same time, but it’s worth a shot!

Taurus

Six romantic proposals this week, Taurus, and only five of them from people who didn’t realize those gowns can actually be tied closed… You’re the belle (or babe!) of the ball.

Gemini

Cleanliness is next to Godliness…so the next time you go on a mission to find some kind, any kind, of cleaning supplies for the unit, try looking next to the chapel! If they’re not there, perhaps they’re sold in the store down the road from the Church or Synagouge. It’s worth a shot…

Cancer

When the patient presents with an ambition deficiency, a list of convenient allergies, and nebulous, unspecified pain, you get one point. When they tell you they’re allergic to male nurses (if they’re male) or female nurses (if they’re female), it’s another point. And so on and so on, until they’ve accumulated enough points to win a free trip back home! (Or your shift ends, whichever comes first!) If anyone questions your score-keeping, tell them Bravo is filming you for a new reality TV show.

Leo

Negativity swirls around your facility this week, Leo, but you’re not going to buy into that. You’re going to walk away from the gossip, side step the back biting, and ignore all of the nonsense. Or you’re going to learn to be really, really discreet. One of those two things will definitely happen.

Virgo

Just because you’re paranoid, Virgo, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. Document, document, document. Tape record reports and double check EVERYTHING. Once you’ve driven everyone around you crazy, you’ll be fully qualified to take on a fact-position for a major media outlet. We hear Fox news needs someone.

Libra

Appearances are deceiving, true, but sometimes it’s okay to trust your judgement. This week will present you with an interesting opportunity to put this to the test. (Yes, we’re talking about selecting snacks from the unit holiday party…what did you think we were talking about?)

Scorpio

As much as your fellow nurses are annoying, it’d be nice to SEE some of them as you run from call light to call light, crisis to crisis. Understaffing makes it easy to appreciate other’s good sides and ignore those annoying traits. So when everyone gets over the flu/vacation/holidays/the economic downturn, make sure you let them know how much you appreciate them!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY! Do not make major life decisions based on what Suzanne or any other astrologer tells you. Really. For true guidance, you want the i Ching.

Tags: aquarius, aries, cancer, capricorn, gemini, leo, piscese, sagittarius, scorpio, star charts, suzanne labarne, taurus, virgo

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Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Posted by kbuxman on November 9, 2009

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Scorpio

You’ve heard of vicarious trauma? Now’s the time to explore vicarious joy, Scorpio. Turn those keen eavesdropping skills on in search of the joy — and give yourself permission to laugh at other people’s jokes, smile at their stories, and so on. (Okay, you can be subtle about it…this time.)

Sagittarius

Communication troubles occupy Sagittarius this week. Some hospitals are moving toward distributing iPhones to make in facility communication easier, but not yours. Nope, you lucky thing! Your administrator saw the promo for “The Men Who Stare At Goats”, thought it was a documentary, and ordered you all to begin developing your psychic communication skills! Good luck!

Capricorn

It’s hard to tell who’s feeling worse this week, your colleagues or your patients! We understand you’re trying to stay healthy, Capricorn, but setting up isolation protocols at the nursing station is sure to ruffle some feathers.

Aquarius

Document, document, document. If it all turns out to be unnecessary, you’ll have improved your typing skills. And if it is necessary, well, you’ll be glad you had it written down.

Pisces

Joy is to be found in the small moments this week, Pisces. The way a patient squinches up their face when you stick them…it’s exactly how they’ll look when they’re 110! Stuff like that. Enjoy them.

Aries

This week, you will once again refrain from strangling the co-worker who remarks it would be nice if someone did something about keeping the unit tidy for a change. And this is good karma, which is all that will save you from tripping face first over someone’s trash and breaking your nose. Congratulations!

Taurus

Your stars show that you’ll leave one little scrap of paper maybe on the floor and someone who can’t be bothered to watch where they’re going will trip on it and all kinds of drama will result. Unless, of course, you could distract them BEFORE they trip and avoid the entire accident. Maybe it would be wise to engage them in some sort of activity — maybe straightening up the unit?

Gemini

A clean desk is a sign of an untidy mind. Gemini revels in the creative clutter of the workplace this week, a veritable productive flutter of charts and orders and restocked supply cabinets. That is, of course, until the second hour of the workweek. It’s all down hill from there, we’re afraid.

Cancer

Supportive family members are great. That way, when Granny decides to take a leap up out of bed, do an Olympic-worthy dive, and start heading for the floor, they can catch her! This week will be an exercise in seeing the positive.

Leo

Attention loving Leo will enjoy this week, where every patient has their finger permanently pressing on the call button, every caller wants to know how “Mom” is doing, every order needs clarification and there’s a doctor with lots of Very Important Questions that have to be answered STAT!

Virgo

You will encounter unexpected hostility today, Virgo; remain calm and stick to your guns. It might take some doing to convince your drug seeking patient that you gave them their meds or your insistent visiting family that Grandma really *doesn’t* need to get up and stretch her legs — but you can do it, and you’ll carry the day!

Libra

Never underestimate the power of one well-placed whoopie cushion to improve a unit meeting.

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!

Tags: aquarius, aries, cancer, capricorn, gemini, leo, libra, pisces, sagittarius, scorpio, star charts, suzanne labarne, taurus, virgo

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Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Posted by kbuxman on November 2, 2009

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Scorpio

Flexibility and nerves of steel are required to handle the many changes that surround you this week, Scorpio! We know how much you “LOVE” change — but look on the bright side: H1N1 inspired visitor restrictions cut down on the number of annoying family members you have to tolerate!

Sagittarius

The nursing shortage occupies your attention Sagittarius — whether it’s an attempt to discern why you can’t find a job or how the winners who work on your unit DID!

Capricorn

Administration-type experts have decided the best way to alleviate pandemic-induced stress is to offer nursing staff the opportunity to attend classes and complete stress-management exercises — in other words, more work! Don’t be surprised when the powers that be reveal themselves less than enthusiastic about your alternate plan of playing paintball in radiology.

Aquarius

Projectile vomit? No problem. Slimy diarrhea explosion just before you sit down to your lunch of chili and beans? You don’t even blink. But the news that Kate Gosselin is planning on returning to nursing since the whole TV thing isn’t working out so well? It’s enough to make a nurse queasy — good luck holding onto that lunch!

Pisces

Frustrations melt away when you discover the secret to getting everything done: just ignore all those pesky patients with their codes and medications and need for human contact, and you’ll find the paperwork practically does itself! Pisces struggles with time management this week, but don’t sweat it: you’re one nurse who DOES have their priorities in order!

Aries

A sweet outlook on life makes the days fly by, Aries…but you’ll want to test your blood sugar and make sure that you’re fully oriented to reality at least a few times.

Taurus

Be open to possibilities, Taurus. Set aside your cynicism and pre-conceived notions. That way you can experience the delight of fresh discovery as humanity reveals its more — inventive — side of itself to you this week.

Gemini

If you’re getting ideas for NEXT Halloween’s costume from this morning’s admissions…well, points for creativity any way. This week your chart is full of inspiration and artistic endeavors. We just can’t guarantee that that particular wound really will look good in latex.

Cancer

If you are a psychiatric nurse, Cancer, nothing this week will seem the least bit unusual to you.

Leo

Interpersonal communications are difficult, Leo, but that has nothing on the problems you’ll have with monitors, pumps, computers and phones. You’ll begin to think it’s you, but it’s not…it’s just technology failing in the face of your magnetic personality!

Virgo

Hold onto your dreams and ideals, Virgo…they’re what keep you going in the face of drama, pathos, and administration initiatives. Well, that, and watching out for slippery surprises on the floor!

Libra

Given the chance, Libra, where would you go and what would you do? Don’t be afraid to dream big: this week holds the potential to make life-changing decisions! Or, barring that, there’s a pretty good payout on the state lottery…

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!

Tags: aquarius, aries, cancer, capricorn, gemini, leo, libra, nurse horoscopes, pisces, sagittarius, scorpio, star charts, Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne, suzanne labarne, taurus, virgo

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Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Posted by kbuxman on October 19, 2009

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Libra

Respect is a reciprocal relationship. Hold firm to your boundaries in a week where doctors demand to be handled with kid gloves, patients tell you you’re the most sadistic being to ever walk the face of the planet, and there’s just nobody who can fill four understaffed shifts but you. Things improve marginally after Thursday, but it will be hard not to let the doctors get your goat.

Scorpio

More than three surprising things will happen this week, Scorpio! We hope you’re prepared. Remember that you don’t have to handle everything alone: draw on appropriate resources and share the load as much as possible.

Sagittarius

What’s worse, Sagittarius – a patient who unhooks everything to go for a smoke — or the one who comes back and tries to hook themselves back up before you notice? Understanding the full range of possibilities makes it easier to keep perspective in what is likely to be a rough week.

Capricorn

Watchful and wary, Capricorn has a week full of near-misses and what-ifs ahead. Clear communication is essential; there are parties who have their own agendas. Remember that when a visitor just ‘happens’ to have Grandma’s pills in their hand…

Aquarius

You’re surrounded by sick people this week, Aquarius — runny noses, high temperatures, horrid coughs as far as the eye can see — and that’s just your co-workers!

Pisces

Nothing bonds nurses like sharing anti-anxiety medications…I mean, chocolate and coffee! Look forward to a week full of bonding opportunities!

Aries

Memories dominate your stars this week, Aries: did you remember to sign out that chart? Did you remember to log that order? Did you remember to disable the call light in bed six? Keep track of the important details and life will be easier.

Taurus

There is only one thing you can control, Taurus, and that’s your attitude. Hold onto that through a week full of twists and turns, and you’ll be just fine.

Gemini

When in doubt, snap the incriminating picture of your NM when you see her out on the town. It makes getting that vacation time much easier. More ethical Geminis might choose to delete the pic — but you don’t have to let anyone know that, do you?

Cancer

Never underestimate the power of one well placed whoopie cushion to change the mood, Cancer. This week is your chance to shake things up a bit; create joy and laughter whenever possible. Your smile will make a difference.

Leo

What does a 375-pound, 6-foot tall male nurse do to stop others from ‘borrowing’ his stethoscope? Why, he gets one in bright pink! Innovative thinking appeals to creative Leo; go outside of the box to get your way!

Virgo

Fresh beginnings always cheer you up: If you can’t shake these doldrums, go to the nursery and check out all the babies. If that doesn’t do the trick, listen to them cry for a while — and rejoice that your patients at least can say what’s wrong!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!

Tags: aquarius, aries, gemini, horoscopes, leo, pisces, sagittarius, scorpio, star charts, suzanne labarne, taurus

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Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Posted by kbuxman on October 12, 2009

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Libra

It’s a very fertile time for Libra, which could mean creativity and inspiration abound. It could also mean something else, which your L&D colleagues could clue you in on. Contrary to popular belief, not everything is contagious!

Scorpio

Short-tempered Scorpio will have a rough time this week, as all of your patients have received extensive medical training from Oprah’s Dr. Oz and know from obsessive watching of Scrubs what life in the hospital is SUPPOSED to be like. Relief arrives as season premieres give way to reruns.

Sagittarius

End of the world fervor makes your normally calm, sedentary unit a little more chaotic than usual. Point out that the Mayans have predictions right up to the year 4870 and see the waters calm. (This strategy has the added benefit of being true!)

Capricorn

Yes, it is tempting — but calling in a search and rescue team for the doctor who doesn’t return his pages is a bit over the top. Wait another fifteen minutes just to be sure before you call!

Aquarius

A long-lost acquaintance will turn up in a surprising situation. This may be uncomfortable, but professionalism will carry the day. Sudden onset amnesia might make both of you more comfortable!

Pisces

Animals abound in your chart, Pisces, so be ready! You might have a patient who insists that their companion chimpanzee helps with chronic depression or an emergency admit who brings some little buddies along for the ride. It’s hard to tell from here — but after Wednesday, you’ll know!

Aries

Have compassion for the new nurses, Aries. You were young once too, and needed help. You may be more intimidating than you realize. Offer assistance: it will be gratefully accepted.

Taurus

Time away from the job reveals unexpected surprises: food can be served (and consumed!) while hot! Bathrooms can be accessed when needed, without several hours delay! Revel in these discoveries — but don’t try to tell anyone at work, they’ll never believe you.

Gemini

Conversations surrounding immunizations are likely to grow a little pointed; sidestep the sharp language and let others needle each other. You don’t need the aggravation this week!

Cancer

Doctors are examining a new condition during which nurses develop an inability to hear their phone ring when they’re away from the job. Volunteering for the study might provide some extra income, but likely won’t smooth any thing over with your NM; decide wisely!

Leo

Seeking creative challenges, Leo may find themselves open to a new hobby. Try figuring out what your patient’s tattoos are supposed to be — or once were!

Virgo

When your patient tells you their profession is Medical Marijuana reviewer and they have a long and convenient list of medical allergies, it’s hard not to be cynical. Don’t beat up on yourself too much for lost naivete: it’s probably the last place you left it!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!

Tags: aquarius, aries, cancer, capricorn, gemini, Horoscopes for Nurses, leo, libra, nurse horoscopes, pisces, saggitarius, scorpio, star charts, suzanne labarne, taurus, virgo

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