Every other magazine I pick up has an article in it on how to increase the amount, quality, or intensity of your sex life. If the amount of information is comparable to the amount of sex people are engaging in, then emergency rooms across the nation must have standing room only.
I’m particularly fascinated by the statistics—-or, more important, how they’re compiled. I have never had anyone stop at my door and ask me how many times a week I have sex. Yet it appears that someone is doing that.
How else do they know that 5000 individuals around the country were found to have sex twice a week, 3000 do it once a week, 1,000 have it once every nine days, and 500 never do?
My question is : Who cares?
What used to be considered an intimate and private part of life is becoming as ordinary as advertisements on a box of Wheaties. We’re assaulted with commercials that tell us we need to be hot, hot, hot! That used to mean you needed a cool drink and a fan. Now if you’re hot, you’re sizzling, oozing with sexuality.
The criteria usually includes huge lips—the bigger the better—and breasts that are lifted and drawn together in special bras left over from one of Madonna’s world tours.
Another must is sexy hair, which means it should be wild and having a resemblance to a Hawks nest. You’re supposed to look like you just got out of bed after a night of sexual gymnastics. When I get out of bed my hair is flat, and I usually have on a flannel night gown and knee socks.
There are also a myriad of books that are geared to helping you recapture whatever you might have had going for you in the sex department in the early days of your relationship. It’s not uncommon to see titles like “How to Increase the Love Life You Used to Have Before You Lost it?!” This facet of life is often based on one partners needs or perceptions of what used to go on.. You might have tried reading a portion of a chapter to your mate only to find that they fall asleep to it as if it were a lullaby.
Most of these tomes leave out a fundamental ingredient, which is a sense of humor. I wonder if laughing together about most things in life is perhaps one of the sexiest things you can do. Life is supposed to be fun and that includes sex.
Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.