Nurse Marge In Charge

Dear Nurse Marge

I’ve got a question they never covered in nursing school: how do you handle the town busy-body? I work at a facility in a small town, and there’s one old lady who just has to know everything about everybody. Just to make it better, she knows everyone!

So when Josephine or Gertie or Harry or Wayne has to be seen…well, she’s their best friend, so OF COURSE when she sees ME in the grocery store or in the library or walking my dog, she has to stop me and ask for details.

Normally I can tell people, “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to talk about that.” and they get a clue. Not this lady! How do I get through to her?

Signed,
Itching for a clue-by-four!

Dear Itching,

First, you have to consider WHY this woman is approaching you. Clearly, she perceives you as a knowledgeable professional, with access to insider information.

Destroy that perception, and you’ll have solved the problem!

Here’s how you do it. Let’s say she’s asking about Gertrude, who you and I know is in for some GI problems, perhaps a little bit exacerbated by the three martini lunches she’s been having. Take Nosy Nelly aside, and say,

“I really shouldn’t tell you this, so you’ll have to promise me to keep it a secret. Okay?” Be really intense here. Make her promise. She needs to know your job hinges on this moment, and that you’re trusting her completely.

Once you have her vowing eternal silence, explain that Gertrude has benign prostatic hyperplasia. Emphasize the first and last word here, and say, “They’re doing marvels with treatment now, but I can’t say …oh, would you look at the time?”

Skee-daddle on out of there, and make sure she can’t get hold of you for at least 12, and preferably 24 hours. That’s approximately how long it takes the average busy-body to tell everyone she knows about poor Gertrude…and for one of the busy-body’s busy-body friends to point out that no matter what is wrong with Gertie, she more than likely does NOT have an enlarged prostate.

Chances are that she won’t be coming to YOU for any more off-the-record information!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge