Actual chart notes you have to see to believe: 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a week. 6. On the second day the knee felt better and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly, also appears to be depressed. 8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1999. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 80-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. 25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
Posts Tagged 'nursing jokes'
Doctor Well, what seems to be the matter?
Patient When I called on the phone, I gave the nurse all my symptoms.
Doctor What harebrained advice did she give you?
Patient She told me to come see you!
By Blair Mignacco, RN
A toddler got into his mother’s purse and swallowed several coins. Of course, he was rushed to the ER.
After some time had passed, the grandmother called to check on the boy’s progress.
The nurse who answered the phone had to report that there’d been no change yet.
Sign seen on the lawn outside the drug treatment center:
Keep off the grass!
I had a patient who was a 106-year-old character. One day I asked her, “Ms. Jones, how old were you when you stopped enjoying sex?”
She replied, “I don’t know, honey! You’ll need to ask someone older than me!”
from Renee Pope, RN