Posts Tagged 'nurses'
A new nurse listened, astonished, as a doctor walked the floor yelling, “MMR! Influenza! Tetanus! MMR! HPV!”
She turned to a fellow nurse and said, “What is he doing?”
The other nurse smiled and said, “Don’t mind him. He just likes to call the shots around here!” (more…)
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Leave a Comment (0) →Horoscopes just for nurses!
Aries
The stars say you’ve got problems bubbling up around you: for a nurse, that means look closely at that IV and listen when your GI patient says something feels a little off in their tummy. What might seem like a gentle, babbling brook might really be a geyser – hey, wouldn’t NOW be a great time to get lunch?
Taurus
Intensity is the order of the day, Taurus. We know you’re up for it: your legendary stubbornness and calm will serve you well when faced with the screaming family member who wants you to “Check on Dad Now!” Sadly, the stars don’t show that you’ll be receiving any psychic powers to enable you to tell which of your 4 male patients fathered this particular winner.
Gemini
The week starts slow, but builds in excitement quickly. This is great news if you’re planning a vacation; not great news if you’re facing an influenza epidemic! Keep your head high and wash your hands frequently, Gemini. If you can make it to Friday, the weekend’s smooth sailing.
Cancer
Drama, drama, drama, drama. Not your patients, Cancer. The patients are fine. Well, not fine. They’re in the hospital, after all. But the drama? It’s all the folks you work with. Lay low, and it will blow over. And that idea about ativan in the coffee pot? Not a good one.
Leo
The stars promise personal growth opportunities this week, Leo — and you know what that means! Lots of headaches and a half-inch stack of extra paperwork. Looking back, this will be a positive time for you. Try to remember that now.
Virgo
Calm, level headed Virgo is fired up about something. Don’t be surprised to find yourself dragging out the textbooks or checking references online: something has captured your curiosity and you won’t be happy until you find a solution. Just go with it: try to fight it, and you’ll make everyone miserable.
Libra
All that gentle balance, grace, and calm equanimity you’re known for goes right out the window this week, Libra. You might feel unsettled — but a tremendous amount of good comes out of your change of pace. Good for you for getting the floor in order!
Scorpio
Sex, sex, sex!!! Does that get your attention, Scorpio? It should — your week is destined to be full of romance. One caution — it might not be you getting all the loving. Look out for those patients who can’t wait for their Ivs to be unhooked to hook up!
Sagittarius
Everyone else might be having a rough week, Sagittarius, but you’re sitting pretty. Don’t feel bad about being upbeat and chipper when everyone else is down: your smiles, jokes, and good humor are just what the doctor ordered. Or it’s what he would have ordered, if he ever picked up the page.
Capricorn
Capricorn has some crisis of confidence this week — perhaps on the 9th? — but have no fear. With some determination and focus, everything will turn out all right. Remember, you can do this!
Aquarius
You are the peacemaker. Need to get the baby’s father away from the mother’s husband? You can do it with a smile and a word, Aquarius. Sweet talk a patient out of AMA? It’s all good. Just remember not to compromise your own values in the process — and let others take the lead after the 10th.
Pisces
All right Pisces! It’s your week: everyone wants, needs, and values you! Of course, this might mean you’re a little wiped out — say by the 8th? — but a surprising turn of events makes you smile on the 10th!
Horoscopes just for nurses!
Aries
Communications will be tricky this week, Aries. We recommend clarifying orders by asking “What’s up, Doc?” in your best Bugs Bunny voice as often as possible. Not everyone will appreciate your sense of humor — but on the 4th, your sunny disposition will be your strongest asset!
Taurus
Dark Chocolate, PRN, might sound like a great prescription — but be careful! Overindulgence can be costly. Be open to new ideas, such as caramels or peppermint twists, to break up the monotony.
The 4th will have you thinking about a change in your future — but it might just be gastric distress.
Gemini
You know you’re a good nurse, Gemini, and most of your patients know you’re a good nurse. This week, though, you’ve got to show the powers that be that you’re a good nurse: be careful not to over-commit or promise too much in order to impress.
Cancer
You have to be able to separate fact from fiction, Cancer — and we know that’s tricky when you’re floating on the psych floor! Double check and use common sense whenever possible, and hold on until the 4th, where the situation will take a turn for the better.
Leo
It starts small, Leo. You answer the call light to fluff a pillow…and before you know it, your patient can reach her blanket, her glass of water, her Kleenex. She can sure reach that call light, though, can’t she? By the 3rd, you’ll be ready to discharge her yourself…it might be time to set some boundaries.
Virgo
Sure, Virgo, you can cover an extra shift. And staying late? No problem. And coming in early tomorrow? Great! Just don’t be surprised to find yourself overwhelmed. You’ll be rethinking your ability to do everything by the 1st. Hold on! Help arrives on the 4th.
Libra
The patient’s screaming that they’ve got pain at 20/10 — despite the fact that you had to wake them up to ask them about it. You’d love to tell them where to go, Libra…but since you’ve got this eager new resident who is sure he’s got the situation under control, why don’t you step back and let him have the fun?
Scorpio
If you can be a little patient, Scorpio, this might be one of the best weeks you’ve had in a while. You’ve got someone near and dear to you requiring a little extra love and compassion — give it! That warm & fuzzy stuff pays great dividends, as you’ll see on the 4th.
Sagittarius
With friends like you, Sagittarius, who needs enemas? Sorry to joke, especially in a week where you’re feeling a little blocked, but we know you’ve got the moral fiber to see through the rough-age to sunnier days ahead.
Capricorn
It’s not that your patients are overly needy this week, it’s that they all have a congenital thumb defect that causes them to press the call button over and over and over again. The stress at work will be offset by interesting developments on the romance front!
Aquarius
Medicine would be great if it weren’t for all the people involved! Aquarius is looking for a little personal space this week…good luck finding it. The staff bathroom’s no good. Have you considered hiding UNDER the nursing station? This will all pass into memory by the 4th.
Pisces
You can’t do it alone, Pisces. Get help, especially when you’re trying to shift a patient who outweighs you by 200 pounds. There’s no shame in calling on your colleagues and peers — and remarkably less back pain!
REPORTS FROM THE FRONT LINES OF THE GENDER WARS, ADDRESSED TO NURSES AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM. SERIOUSLY RECORDED—WITH TONGUE (DEPRESSOR) FIRMLY IN CHEEK—FROM GREG GODEK, AUTHOR OF THE BESTSELLER 1001 WAYS TO BE ROMANTIC.
Romantic Advice: Grow Up.
Yes, yes, I know that, for the most part, the JNJ encourages your inner child to come out and play. But I’d like to talk to the adult part of your personality for a moment. The part that doesn’t giggle when sex is mentioned; the part that takes responsibility for your actions. Okay, here’s the deal: It’s time for you to take over. Enough of the childish crying over the fact that no one reads your mind and fulfills your every need; enough of the adolescent yearning for that perfect partner; enough of allowing your semi-suppressed unconscious fantasies to dictate your expectations.
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photo by Benjamin Earwicker
A recent revelation in my own life brought back memories of a patient I cared for many years ago. The expectant mother, who was married, well educated, and in her thirties, attended all six prenatal classes with a smile on her face. Following the final class she pulled me aside and spoke of how frightened she was about the pain she would feel during childbirth. The youngest of five siblings, she had always been called the “cry baby” of her family. Apparently the running joke throughout her pregnancy was the family’s concern about her ability to tolerate a labor contraction, given the terror she displayed over removing a simple splinter during her childhood.
Her uncomfortable laughter was no disguise for the self doubt she was revealing. Ultimately, she decided to speak in greater depth with professional counselor and kept in touch.
I hadn’t thought of “Cry Baby” in years until Cheryl and Colleen, two of my best girlfriends from back in junior high school, visited a few weeks ago. We were enjoying breakfast on the sun porch when something was said about my eyes. Suddenly I was transported back in time. (more…)