Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

I’m a new RN, and have been working on my unit for just over a month. Yesterday, I had a patient call out to me from the waiting room that he was having a seizure. I found him, twisting and jerking uncontrollably – and carefully using his feet to push himself away from the wall whenever he got too close to hitting his head against it.

Novice Needs To Know!

Dear Novice,

What would an experienced nurse do? Pretty much what your colleague did. What would an experienced nurse WANT to do? That’s another question.

I’ve always been fond of applause, myself. Faux seizures make me want to put my hands together and clap! Great performances should be appreciated!

Another way to handle this requires coordinating with some of your colleagues. Write numbers on blank papers and hold them up: give them a score! Of course, this means someone has to be the Russian judge…and never award more than a 3 or 4.

The drawback to this method is that it encourages people to try for their personal best! When Ativan and Diluadid are the gold and silver medals in the ER olympics, the competition can get fierce!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

How much do people remember, really, when they’re coming out of anesthesia?

Working in recovery, I’ve heard some incredible things. Most of it’s actually pretty funny. All of the filters come off and people say exactly what’s on their mind: people think our docs are really good looking and they want to run away with them, for example. (That’s when we know they’ve gotten the REALLY GOOD drugs!)

Other times, people come ‘out of it’ talking about their biggest fears: they’re really scared, and of course we do our best to calm them down and comfort them.

But I don’t know what to do about one particular instance where a patient really spilled the beans after her operation.  She was telling me all kinds of things, in great and graphic detail.  Really personal stuff. That’s not the problem: the problem is that she’s a cashier at the grocery store where I shop.

Every time I cash out, she looks at me and I can tell she’s uncomfortable.  I’m thinking it’s because she’s worried about what she  might have said while she was out.  I try to pick another row to check out always — but this makes it look like I’m avoiding her.  I don’t want to have to change grocery stores — but I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable, either!  I know they say Versed makes you forget, but I’m pretty sure she remembers.

Help!

Signed,

What Should I Do?

Dear What Should I Do,

Relax.  There’s any number of reasons this woman could be unsettled by your appearance that have nothing to do with what she did or didn’t say while coming out of anesthesia.  It could be as simple as her knowing you knew she had surgery.  We might be used to seeing people in various stages of undress — but that doesn’t mean that our patients are used to being seen that way!

It might not have anything to do with you at all.  She might stare at everybody — or you might look exactly like the girl she used to know two jobs ago, and she’s trying desperately to remember your name.

The best advice is to act like nothing ever happened. If she brings it up in conversation (which is going to be tricky while she’s scanning your coupons!) try my method.  Here’s what I say: “Absolutely I remember you! What a singing voice!  I have to tell you, every time I hear “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” I think of you, singing your heart out and smiling from ear to ear!”

If that doesn’t match what SHE remembers….well, there are worse things.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

Nurses are supposed to have ‘iron stomachs’ and most of the time, I do.  But if the patient has lice — you can’t get me out of that room fast enough!  I don’t know what it is, but the creepie crawlies in the hair – especially the body hair! – gross me out, sometimes to the point where I lose my  lunch.  Is there something I can do to get over this?  It’s an issue that isn’t exactly uncommon in this area.

Signed,

Creeped Out By Creepy Crawlies

Dear Fed Up,

I’m right there with you.  It really bugs me when a patient has lice.  Just seeing them makes me feel like they’re crawling on me. Of course, isn’t that just the typical nursing experience:  You see bugs, you feel bugs crawling on you.  You look at hot guys in the scrubs catalog, you feel bugs crawling on you.  We just never get a break.

Some nurses are only bothered by very young bugs — they won’t hang around eggs or grubs one nit-picking minute longer than they have to.  Other nurses loathe the aged bugs.  I get that.  Ant-iques aren’t for everyone.

But honestly? I know it’s hard, but we just have to get used to it.  Some of our patients are going to arrive with extra passengers aboard!

Lice are here to stay.  In fact, some people believe that insects are destined to take over the earth.  Haven’t you heard of global worming?

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

What do you do about a constant complainer? One of the nurses I work with complains about EVERYTHING.  She’s in the NM’s face every other minute about this thing being wrong or that thing being wrong…and when she’s not complaining to HER she’s complaining to us. Most of the time it’s stuff we can’t do anything about — like “Why do they send us all these patients on a night when we’re already busy?”

You can’t ignore her, either, or she complains about “Some people think they’re too good to have a conversation!”  It’s driving me crazy. I don’t want to listen to this stuff all day long!

Signed,

Enough Already!
Dear Enough Already,

Your constant complainer may be operating under the “The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Oil” premise, which leads foolish people to complain in the belief that this will get them what they want.   However, there’s nothing in that sentiment that specifies the type of oil or the temperature!  You might want to point that out.

At least then she’d have something worth complaining about!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge