Nurse Marge in Charge!

Dear Nurse Marge,

Will I ever get used to night shift? I’ve been working in this hospital for three years now, the last three months on nights. I thought I’d get used to it, but I’m having a really tough time. A fellow night nurse told me she uses sleeping pills to regulate her system, but I don’t know if I want to go this route. Any helpful hints for me?

Dear Not a Night Owl,

Working the night shift can be tough! There are studies that show that there are some definite health risks such as hormonal imbalances, psychological distress, sleep disorders, cardiovascular disease, and gastrointestinal problems associated with working when sensible people are sleeping…but the question here is, do you really want to be sensible?

I’ve always found sensibility to be vastly overrated. Not when there are night owls to be captured. You see, dear Not, there are really night owls. In 2007, scientists isolated a genetic mutation that makes some people cheerier at night and down during the day — in other words, living, breathing, real life night owls!

I am sure some of these elusive creatures work in the hospital with you. Perhaps not on your floor — but be diligent! I’ve had great luck capturing night owls as dawn approaches. Their seemingly inexhaustible energy tends to flag then, and you can find them clustered around the coffee pot, seeking an additional boost.

However you manage it, you have to capture a night owl and extract some of their dna. Then it’s time for a little do-it-yourself gene splicing! Once you’re hooked up with some night owl dna, you’ll find that a full moon can put the most stellar sunrise to shame, and that in the wee hours of the morning, the cafeteria marks the donuts half off.

Hope that helps! And do look out for the feathers!

Nurse Marge

Have a question? Write me at NurseMarge@journalofnursingjocularity.com

Personally,