Get A Life by Loretta LaRoche

For most of my life I have been on a quest to find a hair product that would give my hair more volume. The women in my family have fine hair, but a lot of it.

Well, unfortunately, its’ never been fine with me!

Over the years I have bought and applied products that stated that their particular magic formula  would make my hair lustrous, thick and bouncy.  After all I didn’t want to be left out of the legions of women who saunter down city streets swinging their locks and have every man they pass give them the once over.

My fantasies of tresses that could rival those of a Swiss Milk Maid soon passed as menopause  turned my fine hair frizzy and curly. Those of you who have gone through the process know that your body parts and hair can turn on you with a vengeance. One day I had fine straight hair, the next it looked like it had been put through the microwave.

As time has passed it also seems that places I had hair are hairless and other areas that were hairless now have hair. As a child I used to ask my grandmother why some of the older women she knew had chin hairs and slight mustaches. She would reply with “you’ll see”.

Well that’s the last thing I wanted to see.

As I got older I always prided myself with the fact that I was not part of the bearded ladies club. Well so much for that, the other day I was looking in my magnifying mirror with my reading glasses on so that I could pluck my eyebrows. As I plucked I looked at my lip and there they were, small little black hairs, but luckily none on my chin. I don’t think they were that visible because my daughter who has the observational skills of a hawk seeking its prey would have told me. So I began to wildly pluck the little hairs until I looked like a little kid who couldn’t stop licking their lips.

I know I can have them removed permanently with lasers, so I have to now add that to my new crusade to find a product that will remove frizz, add moisture and of course volume.

I can hear my mothers’ voice throughout all of this, “If you think this is bad, you haven’t seen anything yet”. I know she’s right and I’m sure I’ll wake up some morning with hairy knuckles.

If that happens I’m just going to audition for the next Wolfman movie.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.