Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

I am always amused at how products that are commonplace have been expanded to include every possible situation.

For example; deodorant was fairly straightforward. There were several brands, but they all did the same thing. Now each brand has developed multiple categories for specific problems.

If you are sensitive to odors, there is now an odorless version.

Hate roll on? No problem, there’s a gel.

Perspire a lot? No worries, they have you covered.

Women, of course, have the most selection, since advertising executives have discovered that we spend more time trying to find just the right product. They also charge us more, because we’ll pay the price, especially when we think it suits our particular problem.

This splicing and dicing of product development is growing by leaps and bounds. You can now expect to spend precious moments of your life standing in front of hundreds of jars and tubes in the hopes that you’ll choose the “right” thing.

Well, the other day as I was flipping through a magazine, I stopped to read what I thought was an article on women and humor. The headline began by stating, “Women Who Laugh Have LBL”; subtitle, (So What? The Joke Was Funny.) It then went on to explain LBL. No, it wasn’t some humorous anecdote about how women perceive life, but rather an advertisement for a new product that has been specifically created for those of us who have Light Bladder Leakage.

Did you know that 1 in 3 women experience this problem? I never knew the statistics, nor did I care to know. I simply thought some of my fellow sisters dealt with bladders that were not up to par, but I didn’t realize how varied the situation was.

It seems the product called “POISE” is twice as absorbent and it even neutralizes the odor. They’ve obviously been able to integrate a little of what they learned about cat litter into this “new” luxury liner.

What happened to using “Always” for light menstrual days? Obviously that’s not going to work, because it wouldn’t generate additional income which a lot of this is about. I can’t wait to see what’s next. What if you’re only dealing with a few drops?

I imagine someone will come up with a postage stamp sized liner called “bulls eye” for those days when you simply can’t hit your mark.

Hey, I may be on to something. I just may have to change careers.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.