Posts Tagged 'Loretta Laroche'

Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on August 2, 2010

Being true to oneself can be very difficult, especially for women. We are by nature nurturers, and that need seems to make us feel the need to take care of everything we come in contact with, often at the expense of our health.

I find it interesting that June Cleaver seems to have returned from the dead. So many young women are repeating a history that I’ve long left behind. They work; take care of their homes; and enroll their children in sports, accelerated learning classes, music lessons, and God knows what else so that the little ones can graduate from kindergarten with high honors.

These moms drive their children to and from these numerous events in their big SUVs, while complaining how tired they are (or they spend hours on the phone deciding whose turn it is to carpool). If that’s not enough, add in going to the gym, trying to manage the home front, and being sexy if they can manage to stay awake. As a result many of today’s young women are suffering from anxiety and depression.

Gee, I can’t imagine why!

I spent years believing that no one could do anything without my direction, and whatever needed to be taken care of would be done best by me. Age has not only tempered this mindset, but also for many of my female friends who’ve realized that no one’s going to reminisce about how perfect they were.

Much of life is like a movie or a play and we become the characters with a story line we’ve memorized. It’s often difficult to change the dialogue because the rest of the players are used to you giving them their cues.

It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t want to be known for how perfect I was, because it was really an illusion. My goal now is to be remembered as a wild, zany, eccentric mother and grandmother.

No one is perfect nor should they want to be. It’s a goal that only leads to anxiety and makes the people around you wish you’d be abducted by aliens.

Life is so much more fun when you loosen up and lighten up. The ultimate irony is that when you’re flexible, you’re actually more productive, and your friends and family will feel more relaxed and comfortable.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: Loretta Laroche, perfection, stress, stress reduction for nurses

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on July 26, 2010

There’s no more permanent or certain characteristic of a vigorous mind than an unquenchable curiosity. I’m thankful that my grandparents never quelled my need to explore and seek out answers for many, many things.

Children are born with incredible inquisitiveness—-touching, smelling, and staring for long periods of time as they try to figure things out. Who hasn’t had a child or been around one who continually asks “Why?” When it’s answered, another why replaces it. The adult inevitably becomes exhausted and finally exclaims, “Because I said so”…which only creates another why. Kids are like the Energizer Bunny in all its glory—they’re a miniature FedEx. Nothing stops them!

Along the way, the desire to know may be dampened by overbearing parents or a life that has taken its toll on your spirit, but curiosity can be recaptured or enhanced by doing a variety of things. It really is about engaging and exploring.

Try a few of my suggestions: Some ideas are simply being present wherever you are, and some require a bit of effort. You choose where you’d like to begin.

*Whenever you’re in a place where you have to wait, engage others in conversation. Find out where they’re from and what they do. I love talking to people because I find out a lot about how folks live, what types of things they do, and what part of the world they’re from.

* When you take a walk, notice what’s around you—the foliage, the animals, the houses. Don’t just look, examine deeply. I love to pick up a leaf and study its construction. Take nothing for granted.

*Be available to others’ inquisitiveness, whether it’s coming from your children, grandchildren, mate or co-worker. Don’t stifle someone’s curiosity because you’ve lost yours.

Albert Einstein said it best. “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity”.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: Albert Einstein, curiousity, inspiration for nurses, Loretta Laroche

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on July 19, 2010

Whenever I give a lecture or a workshop, I never fail to encourage participants to read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl. He was a psychiatrist who survived the Nazi concentration camps during World War II and who developed a form of psychotherapy called Logotherapy as a result. His book profoundly shows how individuals can survive the most horrific of situations through grace, dignity and even humor.

In the preface of the book, Gordon Allport writes: “Hunger, humiliation, fear, and deep anger at injustice are rendered tolerable by closely guarded images of beloved persons, by religion, by a grim sense of humor, and even by glimpses of the healing beauties of nature—a tree or a sunset.”

I’ve heard many accounts of how this type of humor, called “ gallows humor”, has helped many people in difficult jobs, particularly health-care professionals. Anyone overhearing some of the conversations between nurses or doctors might be deeply offended, but for them it becomes a way to get relief from the horrors they witness.

As a child, I was dragged to many an Italian funeral, which often resembled a Federico Fellini movie. There was great drama as the black-clad women wailed and moaned. Then there’d be bursts of laughter as people began to recount stories about the dearly departed. And, of course it would all end with a giant buffet.

It was then that I realized that love, laughter, and lasagna made life worthwhile. I often hear individuals talk about how little they laugh because of how complicated their lives have become.

It seems that as a culture we have forgotten that we are not simply here to get through the day as if it were a forced march. When humor is absent from our lives for an extended period of time it can lead to depression, anxiety, anger and irritability.

When we lose the ability to laugh at ourselves, we become less kind and tolerant of others behavior. Give your laughter muscles a good workout everyday so that when you really need them their buffed and ready to go.

Frankl said “that humor was the soul’s preservation”. Keep that in mind the next time you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: dark humor, life is for the living, Loretta Laroche, nurse humor, the power of laughter, therapeutic laughter, what laughter does for us

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on July 12, 2010

I was in the airport restroom yesterday attempting to wash my hands while a young child about three years old stood on the counter trying to throw a hand towel into the trash receptacle.

He kept missing, but the mother kept shouting “you can do it, you know you can”, as if she was coaching a future NBA hopeful. He finally made it , which led her to go into high gear with multiple shouts of “Good job, good job, see how special you are”!

Over the years I have heard a plethora of parents using this language. Telling children their special whenever they accomplish even the most ordinary acts has become the new metaphor for parenting.

However, it doesn’t just stop with the rhetoric. Prizes, certificates of achievement and ceremonies that are akin to the Academy Awards are also part of the process to increase feelings of being “special”.

I suspect that some parents are giving their kids a gift if they get out of bed and go to school.

When did the concept of being special become so watered down and what’s the point? I know my mother loved me but I was only considered special when I did something that was beyond what I was expected to do. And even then her praise was analogous to the act. If I washed the dishes she said thank you but she did not jump up and down or do cartwheels across the kitchen floor because that was what I was expected to do.

She did manage to be more exuberant when I graduated from college which made sense since it is a few levels beyond scouring pots and pans.

I don’t remember the good Sisters of St. Joseph going out of their way to make any of us feel special. If you studied, worked to your potential and were courteous, they gave you a pat on the back and told your parents you were a good student. If not you were relegated to icy stares that made your hair fall out.

My piano teacher occasionally told me I had potential, but she never went overboard or tried to book me into Carnegie Hall. She might have if I had extraordinary potential, but she wasn’t about to delude me into thinking I did by telling me I was “special”.

The message was clear, you had to do something pretty amazing to be nominated for a prize, like discover a new planet. Here’s the bottom line, if everyone’s “special”, is anyone really “special”?

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: family balance as a nurse, Loretta Laroche, nurse humor, nurse jokes, parenting

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on July 5, 2010

The one thing I keep hearing over and over about Lady GaGa is that she’s different. Her clothing, makeup, and choice of music are helping to make her a household name. Different is something that has always been a part of what human beings seek.

Yet what’s interesting is that much of what’s different soon becomes ordinary as others begin to imitate and clone themselves after the original. This type of behavior is certainly not new.

When I was a teenager we wore hoop skirts with crinolines. I can’t fathom why that particular trend took hold, but all of us wanted to look alike. Most of us looked like inverted lampshades, yet we were not only not aware of how we looked, we didn’t seem to care. What was most important was fitting in.

After all who wants to stand out and be noticed for being an Individual who thinks and walks to their own drummer? The answer is not many! Most of us feel more comfortable and safe fitting in and not making waves.

Believe me I’m not proposing that we should be constantly striving to be unusual, quirky, or odd, but the human spirit does need to re-invent itself periodically. Living day to day in the same old way creates a spiritual boredom that can become the death knell for our vitality and energy.

I have met a host of individuals who never seem to want to try anything new. Even their food choices are relegated to a menu that is bland and consistently familiar. After conversing with them I feel that I would rather spend time watching my faucet drip.

I would suggest you start asking family and friends if they feel you might be stuck in a time warp? Perhaps it’s time to revamp your mind/body and spirit.

I’ve always been fascinated with eccentrics. Dr. David Weeks from Edinburgh University in Scotland has found that eccentrics are healthier and live longer. The people Weeks studied went to doctors only one-sixteenth as often as other adults.

Inside all of us lurks a self that yearns to be a little outside of the box. You don’t have to go so far as to stand naked in front of your house. Start slowly, perhaps by wearing a loud pair of underwear, or choosing cheddar cheese for your hamburger rather than American. Every time you choose to be different it stretches your brain’s capabilities. It also makes you more of a surprise, which makes life feel more like a party than a funeral procession.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger

Tags: being different, eccentrics, eccentrics live longer, lady gaga, Loretta Laroche

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