As you can imagine, new parents have lots of questions. If you’re working L&D, you’ll want to be prepared with answers ahead of time, to help improve patient satisfaction and to save your precious mental energy for things like remembering where you parked after a 37-hour shift with 5 sets of new twins, 3 fainting residents, and a partridge in a pear tree that the florist dropped off with a card reading “For the New Mom!”
With that in mind, we share the L&D Nurse’s Guide to Commonly Asked Questions:
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called a breeze.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.