Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for nurses!

Aries

The mood stabilizers are for the patients, Aries! The ups and downs that plague you this week will soon pass, replaced by a desperate longing to extract your foot from your mouth. After that, what ever’s been blocking your lines of communication will disappear, and hope looms large on the horizon.

Taurus

Slow, steady, methodical Taurus will shine this week, where pragmatism and hands-on verification of the facts will be highly valued. Don’t let yourself be rushed — no matter how many times they hit that call button. Your priorities are spot on!

Gemini

The 29th is going to be the best day of the week for you. Look out for those crazy impulses: telling the annoying patient that they might manage to catch the last inning of the local bar’s softball game if they go AMA right NOW might seem appealing, but will have long term negative ramifications.

Cancer

Ever the frustrated diagnostician, Cancer will spend much of this week looking for problems that don’t really exist. Take it easy on yourself: there’s enough real issues to deal with without driving yourself crazy looking for imaginary ones!

Leo

Everybody wants you, Leo! Romance is in the air this week, and you’ve got it going on. While that might be great news on the personal front, it can be a little …awkward when disoriented patients suddenly confuse you with their dream date. We recommend comfortable running shoes and quick footwork to keep those grabby hands at bay.

Virgo

Listen to your heart, Virgo. What might first seem like a mere touch of stress-induced angina is, in fact, your destiny, driving you to explore new paths, take on great challenges, and change the world.

Or it’s gas. Try really hard to pass up the baked beans this week, ok?

Libra

Oh, Libra, it’s going to be hard this week. Hard not to gloat. Turns out you’re right more often than you knew — but to keep those work waters smooth, you might want to keep that to yourself. Which will be tough when it turns out that the patient family you were worried about actually does ‘borrow’ some morphine from grandma to ‘deal with the stress’. ..but we know you can do it.

Scorpio

Quick, Scorpio, the call light’s flashing! But there’s a code over here! And some lady’s just wandered in off the street, and she’s gone into labor in the waiting room! Meanwhile, the crash cart’s actually crashed, and needs to be replenished STAT! And you say you have to go to the bathroom?

Good luck, Scorpio. Next week will be better.

Sagittarius

Are those corneal implants tinted pink? Something has to account for your optimistic outlook this week, Sagittarius — not that it’s unwarranted, for everything seems to be going your way. Just don’t forget caution: not everything is as good as it appears at first glance.

Capricorn

Creativity and energy abound this week, Capricorn! This vibrant joy is much appreciated by your patients and your co-workers, although it may rub authority figures the wrong way. When in doubt, don’t be afraid to fall back on established protocols: no one has to reinvent the wheel every day!

Aquarius

Housework and domestic issues loom large in your stars this week, Aquarius, and you know what that means for a nurse? I’m sorry to say it, but there’s a code brown in your forecast. Keep that little bottle of Vick’s close by. You’ll be glad you did.

Pisces

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, and it turns out that the road to the vending machine is actually well-lit tile flooring! You’ll be traveling a lot this week, Pisces, from emotional highs down to gut-wrenching lows, from calm and confident to rocky and insecure. Persistence will see you through. Well, persistence and Snickers bars.