Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Posts Tagged 'holiday humor'

Jingle Bells — Nurse’s Style

Jingle BellsDashing down the hall, a stretcher’s in my way,
I just heard someone call, for a nurse in room 4-A,
The lab is on the phone, the charts are stacked galore,
I go into my patient’s room and he is on the floor OOOH

Jingle bells, jingle bells, much to my dismay,
I am stuck at work again 12 hours on Christmas Day!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas go away,
This is not my idea of a happy holiday!

A day or two ago, I thought I’d call in sick,
Just spend my Christmas Day at home,
Now wouldn’t that be a trick?
But as the time drew near, the guilt set in so fast,
I came to work and should have known
Nice guys finish last! OOOH

Jingle bells, jingle bells, O’, my aching back,
This could drive me crazy, give me heart attack,
Jingle bells, jingle bells, I don’t hear them ring,
Christmas is no fun this year, I wish that it were spring.

Another patient said, as I answered her light,
“Would you please check my bed? It doesn’t seem just right.”
I take a closer look, I don’t like this one bit,
She’s had a dose of Milk of Mag, her bed is full of !#?@ OOOH

Jingle bells, jingle bells, I don’t mean to bitch,
I would not be here today if I had married rich.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, blast the mistletoe!
This will be the death of me, an awful way to go.

“O, honey, you’re so sweet, to take such care of me,
These nurses can’t be beat, you’re all so good, you see.”
If what she says is true, before my song is sung,
One consolation that I have — the good, they say, die young! OOOH

Jingle bells, jingle bells — Santa, I’m so sad.
Guess I must have misbehaved, done something really bad.
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Santa, do you hear?
What a punishment! I promise I’ll be good next year!

Contributed by Susan Elaine Arnold, RN, BSN, CCRN

Posted in: Columns

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The Holiday Memo

From: Administration
To: All Nurses
RE: Special Holiday Directives

As the holiday season draws near, we’d like to take this opportunity to clarify hospital policy on the following points:

“Silent Night” is indeed a lovely carol. It is not, however, a directive to disconnect all the call lights.

Playing Jingle Bells on the phone system is strictly forbidden.

Restrain yourself from making wreaths out of gloves to decorate the nurses station. If you must do so, use the extra large gloves. Extra small, small, medium, and large are all on back order, and we have a limited supply remaining.

Physician and patient requests are NEVER to be answered with “Bah humbug.”

Page on-call physicians and staff only when it is medically necessary. Confirming Santa sighting reports is not medically necessary.

Ambulances are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.

Anyone identifying themselves as a member of a “Cookie and Eggnog Quality Assurance Team” will be severely reprimanded — particularly if found while ‘testing’ patient’s snacks and beverages.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday!!!

Posted in: Columns

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Happy Holidays!

Snowman

Happy Holidays to One and All! One of our favorite things about the season is how it makes us all look at the world a little differently. Being surrounded by family and friends, planning parties and picking the perfect present, merry music and holiday cheer – for good or for bad, the cumulative effect is surely to change our perspective.

Sometimes this is good.  We find ourselves smiling more, enjoying special times with those we love and looking forward to celebrating every treasured tradition.

Sometimes, this is not so good.  Holidays come loaded heavily with expectations, and many of us try to ‘do it all’ — on top of everything we’re already doing, which can be (for the understatement of the year!) quite a lot.  The pressure can leave us resenting the very times we’re supposed to cherish the most…and that’s before we get to work! (more…)

Posted in: Publisher's Note

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Dear Santa, I Can Explain…

Candy CaneOh, Santa.  I know what you’re thinking.  By this time, you must have at least glanced at that old Naughty and Nice list.  And if you go strictly by what you find on there, it might seem like you won’t be visiting my place this year, or the next, or (gulp!) even the year after that.

But things aren’t exactly as bad as they look!  Really!  I have a reason for every ‘incident’ that happened this year. Admittedly, they’re not all good reasons — but they’re reasons, and that’s a start! (more…)

Posted in: Interviews

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