We’d just gotten a new resident on the skilled nursing floor where I work, and I was taking his history. Mr. J was a really nice guy, very friendly and amiable. He shared that he’d been retired for a while now.
“What type of work did you do?” I asked him.
“I used to be a building contractor, but now I’m a secret agent.”
I thought I didn’t hear him right. “What did you say?”
“I’m a secret agent,” Mr. J laughed. He lifted his hand, and I could see he had Parkinson’s. “I’m shaking, not stirred!”
Contributed by Rita R, Illinois
It’s late on a snowy evening here in farm country. We’ve gotten the head’s up that there’s been a pretty serious MVA, with a pickup truck colliding with a farmer and his wagon. We’re expecting a disaster, of course, but when the rig pulls in, the patient says he feels fine.
“That’s all he’s been saying since we got there,” said the State Trooper who accompanied the ambulance carrying the pickup truck driver – the guy who caused the accident my patient was involved in.
“Is that true, Mr. X?” I asked him. “You were in a terrible accident. Your wagon is destroyed, from what I understand. And you say you feel fine?”
He looked at me, and then he looked at the cop. “That fella there, he saw that my horse had a broken leg from the accident. So he shot him. And then he saw my dog was pretty torn up, so he shot him, too. When he gets over to me and asks, “How are you doing?” what do you think I’m going to say?”
Patient: May I have a glass of water, doctor.
Doctor: Are you thirsty?
Patient: No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks.
A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.
“I’m shocked!” she complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.”
“Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients.”