USED ER NURSE FOR SALE!
Older model Male. High mileage, full size model. Paint is fading from black to gray and falling off the top. Headlights out of focus, engine sometimes skips at idle, recent suspension work (ball joints). Stock sound system works fine. Frame is bent from motorcycle collision. Frequent foul exhaust, occasional backfire through the intake, small fluid leaks. Needs fuel additives twice daily for best operation. Used daily. Ideal for someone who wants reliability but not worried about bling or latest gadgets. Denim upholstery easily upgraded if desired. Best offer takes it and associated spare parts (crutches, walker, cane, assorted extra upholstery many embroidered with names of previous owners). Will take best offer. No dealers. Call Paul at 555-geezer-boomer.
10. Puts on the gas mask and pretends he’s Darth Vader.
9. Asks you to count backwards from 10 and then yells out “Houston we have a problem!”
8. Thinks that drinking moonshine and biting down on a bullet is a viable form of pain management.
7. Has Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” on repeat.
6. Offers to let you borrow his siesta mask.
5. Takes a deep breath off the gas mask and says “That’s about right.”
4. If the patient should wake up during surgery, instructs them to hit the “Snooze Button”
3. While waiting for the surgeon to arrive challenges you to a quick game of Guitar Hero.
2. Keeps referring to the fluid in your IV as Booka Juice!
1. Has never heard of Picis Anesthesia Manager.
Contributed by Joe Bailey, Picis
An old G.P. and his nurse were on the train, going to a Medical Conference. Opposite them was a man furiously scratching his elbow.
“I wonder what’s the matter with him?” asked the nurse.
“He’s a patient of mine and, in confidence, I can tell you that he suffers badly from hemorroids,” replied the G.P.
“Well, why he’s scratching his elbow?” asked the puzzled nurse.
“Oh, he’s a politician, and he doesn’t know his ass from his elbow.”
Q What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? (more…)