Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for 'Integrating Humor'

Nursing Limericks by PD Singer

A nursing home patient, demented,
Catheterized and stented,
Combative with staff,
Would not take a bath,
And was avocado-scented.

It was horrid – his urine was cloudy
With E coli? and other debris.
One lone C and S
Couldn’t sort out this mess
Of bacterial anomaly.

The ID response was chaotic,
Giving random antibiotic,
With learned conjectures
And Grand Rounds lectures
They made diagnoses exotic.

The nurse who changed out the Foley
Screamed, “For love of all that is holy –
You don’t need ciprofloxacin
To kill off the toxacin
That bag contains guacamole!”

Posted in: Columns

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Ye Olde Effective Nursing Communication Strategy

town crier jpgThe next time you are on the reciprocating end of an unwarranted rant by a physician, I want you to talk to them in Olde English. What’s this you say, a way to screw with AH doctors? How do I sign up?

Let me give you an example:

Let’s say a certain surgeon who shall not be named tells you that one of his patients is coming in and to call him as soon as they arrive at the hospital.

Shortly thereafter, the patient arrives but now the surgeon is nowhere to be found.

You call him over the intercom, inquire his locale at the OR desk and physically circle the hospital to no avail. Sure, you have patients to care for and things to chart, but having time to do your job is boring! You decide to make it more challenging by going on a wild goose chase.

Eventually, you give up the search and call out a page. You didn’t want to resort to something so drastic, so extreme, as to make a phone call. But, not only did he ask you to call him, the patient has been pacing the floor for an hour and is now quite loudly demanding the appearance of said surgeon.

Fast forward another 30 minutes… (more…)

Posted in: Columns, Uncategorized

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Classic Colonoscopy Humor

We can’t celebrate Colon Cancer Awareness Month without sharing these classic lines purportedly shared by patients during their screening:

1. “Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”

3. “Can you hear me NOW?”

4. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

5.. “You know, in four states , we’re now legally married.”

6. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”

7. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”

8. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

9. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!

10. “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”

11. “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”

And the best one of all..

12. “Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”

Posted in: Columns

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50 Ways To Clean Your Colon

With apologies to Paul Simon!

The problem is deep inside your bowels
The doctor said to me
The answer is easy if you
Just drink this Go-Lytely!
It’s time to stop the pain you’re feeling
Can you see?
There must be fifty ways
To clean your colon

Polyps, blockages, and more delights
The doc wants to view
Scopes are warmed up and waiting
For a close up on track two
But before we start
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To clean your colon
Fifty ways to clean your colon

[CHORUS:]

We’ve got to clean out the back, Jack
Do what you can, Stan
Be a big boy, Roy
And drink all the prep!
Don’t make a big fuss, Gus
It used to taste worse – much!
Just wait until you see, Lee
How clean your colon can be!

Posted in: Columns

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Was Abraham Lincoln A Nurse?

LincolnThis President’s Day, our crack team of JNJ researchers have a question: Was Abraham Lincoln a nurse? Sure, he appeared to be busy being the President – but if you listen to some of the man’s actual quotes, he certainly seems to SOUND like a nurse:

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea.  If this is tea, please bring me some coffee!

(Said by many nurses in the wee hours of a night shift!)

Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.

(How quickly would Lincoln have made it to the call light?)

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

(Try that on patients who complain about your appearance!)

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

(And now we know why docs don’t answer those middle of the night pages!)

Posted in: Columns

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