Diagnostic Guide: Post Superbowl Syndrome

Medical professionals across the nation have begun to report a spike in patients presenting with unusual symptoms.  An insightful team of nurses (who also happen to have ESPN available in every room of their homes, including the bathroom, and amazing fantasy football stats, thank you very much) have identified the following characteristics as defining Post Superbowl Syndrome:

Sore Throat/Loss of Voice

Generally seen as a result of unrestrained vocalizations during interceptions, fumbles, and dropped passes that could have been caught by little Joey Redhead from the Pop Warner team. Can be seen in fans of either team, as exuberant celebrations are just as rough on the vocal cords!

GI Complaints

Nausea, stomach cramps, and general gastrointestinal discomfort can manifest when a much applauded quarterback disappoints loyal fans.  Also attributable to questionable chicken wings served during tailgating.

Tremors in Hands

Reported primarily among Steeler’s fans, this symptom manifests as a rapid waving of one or both hands, generally accompanied by the vehement repetition of the phrase “I don’t want to talk about it!”  The frequency of tremors generally abates as the Superbowl fades into memory, but can return with full force upon being reminded of the game by fans of opposing teams, often for years to come.

Brett Favre-itis

A bizarre condition, generally seen among professional sportscasters, that forces sufferers to bring up Brett Favre’s name at least once every five minutes in any discussion of the game, despite the fact that Favre currently plays for neither team.  PRN application of the statement, “Yes, and now Rogers has just as many Superbowl Rings” can be beneficial but be cautious: adverse reactions have been recorded.

Abrupting Fleeing From The Room Screaming

Some controversy exists about whether fleeing from the room screaming upon a re-broadcast of the half time show is a sign of Post Superbowl Syndrome or a sign that your ears are working perfectly well. Consult with your attending physician.

The JNJ Limerick Contest: The Winner!

We’re proud to announce the winner of the JNJ Limerick Contest. With more than 100 votes, the winning limerick is:

This patient’s a pain in the duodenum
With demands for both catheter and freedom.
So unable to cope
Nurse Bob swung his stethoscope,
Got her hypnotized larynx to be numb.

The use of duodenum – admittedly not the most commonly rhymed word in the world – cinched the victory for our Poet Laureate. She’ll be receiving an autographed copy of This Won’t Hurt a Bit: And Other Fractured Truths in Healthcare.

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