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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on August 16, 2010

I was both amused and saddened by the incident on board JetBlue that propelled Steven Slater a flight attendant for over twenty years to blow his cool. His decision to respond to a passenger’s rudeness will likely cost him his job and perhaps a prison sentence.

A huge portion of the population felt a sense of satisfaction that at last someone had the nerve to say what so many stuff every day. I fly a lot and I have witnessed a lot of situations that have left me in a state of disbelief.

Flying used to be something you felt was special and you even dressed for the occasion. People often had their Sunday best on and behaved as if they were visiting their old maiden aunt. Over the years I have seen clothing on individuals that looked as if that had just rolled out of bed. Disheveled doesn’t even cut it.

Food is brought on board now and many don’t care if their pizza carton spills over onto your lap, or that you really don’t want to hear them chewing and talking on their cell phone at the same time.

Some people spend time trying to shove an over loaded suitcase into a bin meant to handle a gerbil’s luggage. It doesn’t matter to them that there are twenty or so people behind them waiting to get on. The world has become filled with entitled, self absorbed individuals whose primary goal in life is to get what they need at the expense of the rest of us.

I have watched as individuals walk into elevators as I’m trying to get out with no thought that they should wait. Their eyes are glazed over and their ear is glued to a phone as they blah, blah, blah!

One has only to read the newspaper daily to see the results of how our lack of civility has begun to unravel our society. We are less patient, more aggressive and violence is more prevalent. I don’t ever remember reading about a disgruntled employee killing several of their co-workers when I was growing up. It seems par for the course over the last several years.

Does this mean we’re all going to hell in a hand basket? No, because there are many kind, considerate, patient people who role model civility every day. However, we might want to view Slater’s dilemma as one that we should all begin to respond to by being more vigilant every day about how we communicate and react. Our presence in the world can make a positive or negative impact..you choose.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: civility once we knew you, JetBlue flight attendant, Loretta Laroche, losing our cool, mann, Steven Slater

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on August 9, 2010

I travel a lot and because of that, I’m often at the mercy of using public restrooms. It used to be easy. The toilet paper was on a wooden spindle and it was easy to get what you needed. The sinks had faucets that turned on and off, and the paper towel dispenser was pretty simple.

Well, those days are gone forever as technology marches on even into bathrooms. I know part of the changes are based on creating less waste, but I think it has also created high levels of frustration.

Some efficiency master mind decided how long most people take to empty their bladders and as a result the toilet flushes whether you’re done or not. There have been times when flushing has occurred five or ten times in 30 second intervals making me feel as if I’m visiting Niagara Falls.

Once you’ve established yourself, try getting the toilet paper. If you can manage to grab a piece from the new Ferris wheel like gadget, you’ll be lucky if you can get more than a couple of pieces, and you may also get your hand stuck and have to have it extracted by the jaws of life.

If they’re looking to save money why don’t they take more time figuring out that we are all not in a race to just “come and go”.

Washing your hands is like playing a game you can never win. I recently spent at least five minutes trying to get the water to turn on. The woman next to me shared that I had to make sure my hand passed over the sensor under the faucet, otherwise it would not turn on. Why has hand washing turned into a segment for Survivor?

We’ve all been warned that we need to be vigilant about the germs that linger on every surface ready and willing to invade our bodies and establish residence until we come down with whatever bug resistant illness is the disease du jour. But how can we protect ourselves if the sinks and faucets don’t cooperate.

Perhaps directions are in order. If they were printed clearly over each sink we might have a chance at survival.

But then, you also have to dry your hands, and now there are automatic dispensers that you press and voila the paper spills out. Unfortunately, the little red eye on the dispenser doesn’t always know you only need only one or two sheets. I have often watched as individuals drag their suitcases out the door with several hand towels stuck under the wheels.

Maybe what we all need to travel with are portable potties. Then we can go on our own terms.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: bathroom humor, funny nurse, Loretta Laroche

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on August 2, 2010

Being true to oneself can be very difficult, especially for women. We are by nature nurturers, and that need seems to make us feel the need to take care of everything we come in contact with, often at the expense of our health.

I find it interesting that June Cleaver seems to have returned from the dead. So many young women are repeating a history that I’ve long left behind. They work; take care of their homes; and enroll their children in sports, accelerated learning classes, music lessons, and God knows what else so that the little ones can graduate from kindergarten with high honors.

These moms drive their children to and from these numerous events in their big SUVs, while complaining how tired they are (or they spend hours on the phone deciding whose turn it is to carpool). If that’s not enough, add in going to the gym, trying to manage the home front, and being sexy if they can manage to stay awake. As a result many of today’s young women are suffering from anxiety and depression.

Gee, I can’t imagine why!

I spent years believing that no one could do anything without my direction, and whatever needed to be taken care of would be done best by me. Age has not only tempered this mindset, but also for many of my female friends who’ve realized that no one’s going to reminisce about how perfect they were.

Much of life is like a movie or a play and we become the characters with a story line we’ve memorized. It’s often difficult to change the dialogue because the rest of the players are used to you giving them their cues.

It took me a long time to realize that I didn’t want to be known for how perfect I was, because it was really an illusion. My goal now is to be remembered as a wild, zany, eccentric mother and grandmother.

No one is perfect nor should they want to be. It’s a goal that only leads to anxiety and makes the people around you wish you’d be abducted by aliens.

Life is so much more fun when you loosen up and lighten up. The ultimate irony is that when you’re flexible, you’re actually more productive, and your friends and family will feel more relaxed and comfortable.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: Loretta Laroche, perfection, stress, stress reduction for nurses

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on July 26, 2010

There’s no more permanent or certain characteristic of a vigorous mind than an unquenchable curiosity. I’m thankful that my grandparents never quelled my need to explore and seek out answers for many, many things.

Children are born with incredible inquisitiveness—-touching, smelling, and staring for long periods of time as they try to figure things out. Who hasn’t had a child or been around one who continually asks “Why?” When it’s answered, another why replaces it. The adult inevitably becomes exhausted and finally exclaims, “Because I said so”…which only creates another why. Kids are like the Energizer Bunny in all its glory—they’re a miniature FedEx. Nothing stops them!

Along the way, the desire to know may be dampened by overbearing parents or a life that has taken its toll on your spirit, but curiosity can be recaptured or enhanced by doing a variety of things. It really is about engaging and exploring.

Try a few of my suggestions: Some ideas are simply being present wherever you are, and some require a bit of effort. You choose where you’d like to begin.

*Whenever you’re in a place where you have to wait, engage others in conversation. Find out where they’re from and what they do. I love talking to people because I find out a lot about how folks live, what types of things they do, and what part of the world they’re from.

* When you take a walk, notice what’s around you—the foliage, the animals, the houses. Don’t just look, examine deeply. I love to pick up a leaf and study its construction. Take nothing for granted.

*Be available to others’ inquisitiveness, whether it’s coming from your children, grandchildren, mate or co-worker. Don’t stifle someone’s curiosity because you’ve lost yours.

Albert Einstein said it best. “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity”.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: Albert Einstein, curiousity, inspiration for nurses, Loretta Laroche

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Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Posted by kbuxman on July 19, 2010

Whenever I give a lecture or a workshop, I never fail to encourage participants to read “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl. He was a psychiatrist who survived the Nazi concentration camps during World War II and who developed a form of psychotherapy called Logotherapy as a result. His book profoundly shows how individuals can survive the most horrific of situations through grace, dignity and even humor.

In the preface of the book, Gordon Allport writes: “Hunger, humiliation, fear, and deep anger at injustice are rendered tolerable by closely guarded images of beloved persons, by religion, by a grim sense of humor, and even by glimpses of the healing beauties of nature—a tree or a sunset.”

I’ve heard many accounts of how this type of humor, called “ gallows humor”, has helped many people in difficult jobs, particularly health-care professionals. Anyone overhearing some of the conversations between nurses or doctors might be deeply offended, but for them it becomes a way to get relief from the horrors they witness.

As a child, I was dragged to many an Italian funeral, which often resembled a Federico Fellini movie. There was great drama as the black-clad women wailed and moaned. Then there’d be bursts of laughter as people began to recount stories about the dearly departed. And, of course it would all end with a giant buffet.

It was then that I realized that love, laughter, and lasagna made life worthwhile. I often hear individuals talk about how little they laugh because of how complicated their lives have become.

It seems that as a culture we have forgotten that we are not simply here to get through the day as if it were a forced march. When humor is absent from our lives for an extended period of time it can lead to depression, anxiety, anger and irritability.

When we lose the ability to laugh at ourselves, we become less kind and tolerant of others behavior. Give your laughter muscles a good workout everyday so that when you really need them their buffed and ready to go.

Frankl said “that humor was the soul’s preservation”. Keep that in mind the next time you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get a Life column for the Patriot Ledger.

Tags: dark humor, life is for the living, Loretta Laroche, nurse humor, the power of laughter, therapeutic laughter, what laughter does for us

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