10. You answer your home phone by saying, “Surgery, Mary, May I help you?”
9. In the perioperative nurse’s kitchen, their recipes have the ingredients listed in CC’s, grams and ounces.
8. You enter your PYXIS password on the microwave and can not figure out why the dumb thing doesn’t work!
7. You peel open food packages using sterile technique as you deliver them to your kitchen table for preparation.
6. At the check out, you are assessing the veins on the cashier, thinking, “A #16ga. insyte or butterfly?”
5. You rotate your kitchen towels and bath towels like you rotate the sterile packs at work.
4. You jump up to check your ‘ON CALL’ beeper and realize it is the pager on the TV show you’re watching that is going off.
3. Wrapping Christmas presents envelope style seems quite normal.
2. Before preparing the evening meal for your family, you wash your hands as if you are going to be scrubbing an aorta bi-fem.
1. When opening a jar at a friend’s house you repeat, “Righty tighty, lefty loosey”, and your friend looks at you like you’re from another planet.
Contributed by Dina Pratt, RN, CNOR
Brand new babies had come into the world: Twins! A tiny little boy and a feisty girl. Mom was doing great, so the head nurse brought the babies over to their father.
He was, understandably, as excited as could be. All through the birth, he’d been watching wide-eyed, and now he was ready to embrace his children. He took one step forward to touch his children, unable to totally believe that this was real until he felt them.
As he started to touch them the nurse took a step backwards and said, “You can’t touch those babies. You aren’t sterile!”
With out missing a beat, he said proudly “You’re telling ME I’m not sterile!”
10: You’re talking about seeing the Crown and you’re nowhere near Buckingham Palace!
9: You know a fetoscope does not measure shoe size!
8: Broken water never involves busted pipes in your world!
7: You can get out of a speeding ticket by showing the policeman the placenta.
6: Black Birkenstocks are the most formal footwear you own.
5. You can eat cherry jello while watching a birthing movie!
4: You’ve used a speculum to put on a tight pair of shoes.
3: You know the only appropriate use for forceps is as salad tongs!
2: You’ve had your picture taken with so many babies you should run for office!
and the number one way to tell you’re a nurse midwife:
1: You call getting out of beeper range your vacation!
Happy Labor Day to all the Nurse Midwives out there!
We had a patient in the DTs. The patient had been in DTs for about 2 weeks, and was prone to stripping off clothing and wandering around looking for a beer and a smoke, which did not go over too well with the other patients, especially the females. (more…)
Hey, all you ER nurses out there! How many of these sound familiar?