Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for 'Classic JNJ'

The Top Ten File: The Top Ten Things You Need To Know To Be A Nurse

10. If it’s wet, make it dry.

9. If it’s dry, make it wet.

8. Always ask for on-call pay before agreeing to overtime.

7. Never tell management what you are really thinking.

6. Never finish report with, “You have an easy assignment”.

5. Never say, “This looks like a easy assignment”.

4. Don’t expect anyone to do their job – especially when you really need them to.

3. Don’t expect doctors to believe anything you tell them.

2. If you don’t have enough time to do everything, take 30 minutes to complain about it and then make it all happen.

1. If it moves, rattles, shakes, falls down, or won’t stay in place: tape it.

Posted in: Classic JNJ, Jokes

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Freudian Slip

Henry, my patient, was stricken with a troublesome malady.  To alleviate the symptoms, he needed frequent, large doses of Kaopectate.  His daughter and son-in-law were at his side in his time of need. They hovered protectively, hounding me with questions about Henry’s diet.  They questioned the possibility of dehydration, suggested fluids, and wondered how soon I thought Henry’s problem would be controlled.

My patience was waning when they asked how late I would be working. I told them I would be due to leave in about fifteen minutes.  Their expressions said it all. How could I leave Henry in this, his darkest hour?

I wanted to reassure them, so I innocently said, “Don’t worry.  I always stay late when it’s necessary. I don’t like to leave until all the loose ends are tied up!”

Contributed by Margaret Weisenberger, RN

Posted in: Classic JNJ

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Nurse Humor: Lessons in Facilitating Communication

The nurse went in to check her patient in the ICU who was wearing nasal prongs.  The nurse tried to talk to him, but all she could get out of him was gasping and unintelligible talk.  Finally, the  nurse thrust a note pad and pencil at the patient and said, “I can’t understand you, sir.  Please write it down.”

The patient weakly scribbled on teh pad, “Get your dang foot off my oxygen tube!”

Classic JNJ humor by Jeanne Mueller, RN

Do you have a funny nursing story you’d like to share with the JNJ audience? Send it to us!

Posted in: Classic JNJ

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Whinorrhea! By Elizabeth A. Schultz, RN, BSN

Marsha took a deep cleansing breath before entering Room 519.  It was only midnight, and she already answered Mrs. Gorski’s call light four times.  The evening nurse had given Mrs. G. a Halcion at 9:30 and assured Marsha she would sleep through the night.  Another empty promise.

“What took you so long?” Mrs. G whined.  “I called 10 minutes ago.  What if it had been an emergency?  I could be dead by now..maybe that would be a good thing.  I wish I were dead.”

“Mrs. Gorski,” Marsha said calmly, “I saw your light go on from down the hall.  I finished what I was doing and came directly to your room.  I’ve been in here five times, and I really do need to check my other patients before it gets much later.  Now, what can I do for you?” (more…)

Posted in: Classic JNJ, Columns

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Classic JNJ: The Four Basic Personality Types of Nurses

Nursing is as diverse as those who make it their career choice.  However, there are certain basic traits inherent in all nurses.  After a decade of fine tuning my nursing skills in a variety of clinical settings, I have noticed that nurses generally fall into one of four distinguishable personality types. (more…)

Posted in: Classic JNJ, Uncategorized

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