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Archive for March, 2012
A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
“What happened to your feet?” his wife asked.
“I had a childhood disease called Tolio.”
“Don’t you mean polio?”
“No, tolio, it only affects the toes.”
Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
“What happened to your knees?” she asked.
“Well, I also had Kneesles.”
“Don’t you mean measles?”
“No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.”
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, “Don’t tell me, you also had Smallcox!”
As nurses, sometimes we hear WAY too much about our patient’s love lives. But this story made me grin:
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that truck???!!!”
He calmly told them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.
“Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me just fifteen dollars.” So the parents began to yell even louder. “Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?” they said.
“It was the lady up the street,” said the boy. I don”t know her name – they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my Goodness!,” moaned the mother, “she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what”s going on.”
So the boy”s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
“Well,” she said, “this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn’t intend to come back to me. He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did.”
Being a nurse is not unlike being an air traffic controller: there are dozens of things to keep track of at any given moment. Each patient we encounter is a new adventure. Just like a flight taking off, we may know where we think things are going — the patient who comes in with a blood sugar over 1000, potassium levels through the roof and only a tenuous grasp on consciousness likely isn’t headed for Labor & Delivery, after all. But, as every air traffic controller knows, the destination the plane reaches doesn’t necessarily match the one listed on the ticket.
Our patients have a disconcerting tendency to not perform as expected, to withhold critical information, and to come accompanied by a bevy of friends and relatives all determined to help and support them as they get better — while doing everything possible to prevent us from making that recovery possible. (more…)