What will this week hold? Check the Star Charts! These predictions are carefully compiled by JNJ’s resident astrologer, Wazzata Comet, who watches the stars from a hospital rooftop somewhere near you. (Due to the fact that Wazzata once confused the landing lights on the Medi-Flight with a meteor shower, our lawyers ask that you please don’t confuse her predictions with actual, useful advice!)
Cancer’s never been shy about stepping into the spotlight, but this week you may feel a little challenged when called on to entertain. Don’t hold back: this is your chance to shine. Not everyone can make vaguely obscene balloon animals out of exam gloves…and fewer people will! If you can’t be good, be memorable.
Leo is in need of balance. That means more than buying snacks from all four vending machines on the floor! Striving for a healthier lifestyle becomes easier if you focus on finding a way to make fitness fun. Try sprinting away from the charge nurse anytime she looks like she has something to ask you. You’ll burn more calories than you ever thought possible!
You’re not a prude, Virgo, but you do have certain ideas about how things should be done…and when…and where. Let this serve as a reminder to you of the value of always knocking on doors before entering. And remember that even if you have helpful hints on how the patients engaged in ‘off-label’ activities could improve the experience, it’s probably prudent to keep them to yourself.
Before you send out an APB to find your patient’s missing dentures, make sure to check their mouth, their pocket, and their night table drawer. It might be a fruitless endeavor – or it could just be the second look needed to save you lots of needless aggravation.
It’s not nice to start speaking in tongues when work calls with a question just moments after you’ve fallen deeply asleep. Still, incoherence is probably preferable to what you really wanted to say. Good luck exercising your restraint and professionalism this week, Scorpio. You’re going to need it.
Into every life some rain must fall…and into every shift it seems there must be a saline shower with your name on it. Sagittarius faces a damp and inconvenient week. Keep smiling as long as you can: it’ll frighten away the more annoying people.
Capricorn needs a little R&R. Be kind to yourself this week: you’ve been performing at top levels and now the stress is beginning to show. Find ways to entertain yourself, like giving the really irate visitor your ‘favorite’ resident’s name in place of your own or designing high fashion gowns out of Chux and tape.
There are questions in this world that have no answer, but curious Aquarius can not keep themselves from asking. “Exactly why did you think that would be a good idea?” can be an illuminating question for nurse and patient alike. Enjoy!
Pisces puts aside their normal dreaminess to kick butt and take names this week. You’ve tried being patient and understanding, but enough is enough. It’s time to impose order and get things straightened out – and if you can id the person who keeps swiping your lunch, so much the better. Try keeping entrees in specimen bottles to cut down on sticky fingers – but remember not to eat your snacks in front of civilians!
As tempting as it may be, Aries, don’t attempt to stage your own version of Mythbusters while at work. Yes, it’s cool to see how unexpected things look when thrust into the MRI — but when the powers that be find out what you’re up to, the urban legend won’t be the only thing ‘busted’.
9 times out of 10, Taurus, you’re safe to trust your instincts. That tenth time is a doozy, though. This week has you second guessing everything. Don’t be afraid to ask for input from others – and consider the wisdom you hear from a surprising source most carefully. They may be onto something. (Or it could just be the Ativan talking…)
Ogling someone’s ‘lovely veins’ isn’t the usual way to strike up a friendship, but hey, if it works for you, go for it. Gemini is feeling super social, and the world’s returning the favor. You’re used to meeting people from all walks of life. This week, that flexibility will serve you well.