Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for May, 2011

How You Can Help: Joplin MO

We interrupt today’s regularly scheduled funny programming to bring you news about the Joplin, MO tornado.  As you may have heard, a deadly tornado has hit Joplin, including a direct hit to St. John’s Regional Medical Center. Other facilities in the area, including a nursing home, were hit as well.  The devastation is unbelievable.

Right now, the best source of information we can find on how to help respond to this emergency is here. We’ll be updating the site with more information as it becomes available.  If you have any information on how nurses could help respond, please share it in the comments!

Posted in: Publisher's Note

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You Know You’re A Nurse When…

  • The sight of someone covering their cough causes you to do a double-take – just as you’re sprinting to answer the call light, of course.  The resulting fall is so spectacular you’re advise to try out for “America’s Got Talent”!
  • You fill out ‘frequent flier’ medical histories from memory – and your more forgetful regular patients have been known to ask you little details like their home address!
  • You no longer blanch when a patient with multiple piercings and full-sleeve tattoos tells you they’re afraid of needles.
  • When a patient tells you how many drinks they’ve had, you automatically multiply the total by four.
  • You make a point of making sure to use the bathroom every single day – whether you (with your Winnebago holding tank size bladder!) need to or not!

Funny Nurse

Posted in: Jokes

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The In ‘N Outpatient by Kris Harty

“Just add it to the bottomless list.”

Ever felt that way? As though the world and all its demands expects you to keep going until you’ve finished everything on your plate, so to speak. Including the Brussels sprouts.

It’s an image that reminds me of long-ago decades growing up in Fargo, North Dakota. The dinnertime rule was we had to eat at least a biteful of every food on our plate, even if we knew we didn’t like it. Logic said our taste buds might change as we grew accustomed to it.

The perennial battle of the Brussels sprouts absorbed my entire being. From the stench (as my nose remembers it) as they boiled on the stove, to glaring at them on the table, and then being scooped onto my plate. They silently waited to bring dismay and disorder to the rest of my night.

One bite would free me from the table, but my gag reflex was working overtime. I couldn’t make myself eat one microscopic bite of those dreaded, despicable, seemingly slimy Brussels sprouts.

While my mother finished washing the dishes, I waited patiently at the dining room table.

“Kristabelle, c’mon. Just one small bite. Then you can go play with your siblings.”

“No.”

She pleaded. I resisted. Eventually, I was let out of sprout prison.

With Brussels sprouts now making a seeming resurgence, I hear that their tastiness is all in the preparation.

I tried them recently, for the first time in decades. A friend hosted a potYuck, where each person brought their most unfavorite food. Not surprisingly, Brussels sprouts were among them. (By the way, what is one person’s food-trash is another person’s treasure. Test it with your own potYuck…)

The sprout was not as awful as I recalled. Yet I was glad to have it off my plate.

What’s on your plate that you keep putting off because there are so many other urgent, take-care-of-it-now issues that need your attention? What is the nagging issue that never leaves the bottom spot on your to-do list, that keeps getting pushed further down, waiting for you to tackle it?

Maybe it’s more schooling. Or preparing yourself to advance in your career. Or perhaps it’s a conversation you need to approach with a colleague – or a spouse.

We’ll never finish all that’s on our plate, at work or at home, no matter how much the world pushes for it. But sometimes the action we most put off, is what most weighs us down.

Whatever your Brussels sprout is, go after it. Move it to the top and check it off your to-do list. It may be the biggest sense of accomplishment you’ve had for some time. Take a first step toward it. First steps lead to second steps, and they eventually lead to walking off the to-do list entirely.

Don’t let the bad taste of it deter you. C’mon, you’ve got this one licked.

P.S. Oh, if you’ve got an irresistable Brussels sprout recipe, send it my way…

JNJ’s own fabulous Karyn Buxman has this to say about my book: “Kris Harty has the delightful ability to pull you into her world – make you laugh, bring a tear to your eye – and then deftly show you how her experience applies to your life’s work. A real shot in the arm to combat fatigue and restore your connection with why you got into this work in the first place.” Part memoir, part application, and hot off the press for Nurses Day in May: “A Shot in the Arm and A Strong Spirit: How Professional Health Care Givers Help Patients Persevere.” A perfect read on breaks or in staff meetings, contact me for ideas to get every nugget from it, including video conferencing for book clubs or speaking at your event. Pre-order or purchase in bulk for greater savings. Contact me: call 877.711.STIC(K), email StrongSpirit@StrongSpiritUnlimited.com, or visit  www.StrongSpiritUnlimited.com.

brussels sprouts

Posted in: The In 'N Out Patient

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Nurse Horoscopes! 5/16/11-5/21/11

What type of week do you have in store? Look to the stars!

Taurus

Live and let live Taurus normally avoids conflict at all costs – but this week you’re willing to go all in to defend a strongly held point of view. If you’re sure you’re right, go for it – but if you have even the slightest sliver of doubt, check your facts first! An ounce of prudence is worth an awful lot of apologizing.

Gemini

New clinical studies show that there aren’t any answers! Being a Gemini, you are both relieved and troubled by this revelation. Take comfort where you can find it, and ignore the rest – this week promises to be so busy it’s doubtful you’ll even remember reading this horoscope by Monday.

Cancer

Taking charge of your career success doesn’t mean ‘helpfully’ filling in the work schedule – others, especially those in power, might see it as an overreach. Step back and trust other people to do what they’re supposed to be doing…you’ll find your stress levels dropping dramatically.

Leo

Appearances can be deceiving – but sometimes they can tell the truth, Leo! Don’t feel guilty about trusting your intuition…we have those insights for a reason. Sometimes that reason is to stop us eating from the tuna salad that should be ‘fine’ – and sometimes the reason is far more serious.

Virgo

Sometimes you’re the windshield, and sometimes you’re the bug…but this week, you’re the fussy auto detailer who has a whole week of bug-scraping scheduled. Your attention to detail can make life unduly interesting this week. It’s surprising what people will say when they don’t think anyone is paying attention.

Libra

Money can’t buy happiness, but you can get pretty darn close…Financial concerns loom large for Libra this week. Resist the temptation to work every shift possible – there will be sick people who need care next week as well. A slow and steady approach will pay greater dividends than trying to fix all of your problems in one pay period.

Scorpio

If you really want to know someone, Scorpio, make them mad. That way you’ll get to see them at their purest, rawest self – that inner authenticity that Scorpio prizes. Of course, that might be the last time you get to see them, so exercise some judgement! Your normally abrasive self will not mesh well with authority figures this week.

Sagittarius

Some days it doesn’t pay to chew through the leather straps, Sagittarius. But this week, you’ve got a craving for exercises in futility…an appetite that can be completely sated before an entire shift elapses. Enjoy tilting at windmills – or getting callers to understand that you just can’t update them on “how Mom’s doing!” if they refuse to tell you who they are!

Capricorn

Did you hear about the new cure for constipation? If it works, being ‘bound up’ can be a thing of the past – talk about endangered feces! Capricorn is optimistic this week – but can tell a stinky situation from a mile away.

Aquarius

The time is right, Aquarius! You can hesitate no longer. Join Mike Huckabee and Donald Trump in letting the world know you won’t be running for President in 2012! Will that quell rumors that you’re looking for greener pastures? Probably not – but is anything more fun than a press conference?

Pisces

Dreamy Pisces just wants everyone to get along and live in peace and harmony. Barring that, you’ll settle for a waiting room that doesn’t look like the lost episode of Jerry Springer. The key to happiness can be having exceptionally low standards!

Aries

Combative Aries loves battling germs, defeating disease, and booting obnoxious visitors right off of the unit. This week will give you lots to be happy about – and victory is almost certainly guaranteed on at least one front!

Nurse Horoscopes are for entertainment purposes ONLY! Do not plan your life, your career, or your future upon these predictions!

Posted in: Games, Horoscopes, and Quizzes

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