Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for February, 2011

Nursing Romance 411: Valentine’s Days Do’s and Don’ts

It’s Valentine’s Day! What’s the romantic (but busy!) nurse to do to make this day special? We offer up the Nursing Romance 411 Valentine’s Day Do’s and Don’ts to get you through the next 24 hours!

Do: Give of yourself! Valentine’s Day is all about the sentiment. Your sweetie wants a gift that really emphasizes the connection between the two of you. Think personal.

Don’t:Give too much. Infection control is important, people! MRSA isn’t on anyone’s wish list. A special holiday means leaving work at work.

Do: Go with a traditional V-day favorite: Chocolate!

Don’t: Give chocolate you bought out of the unit vending machine at the end of the shift! (All that’s left then is Almond Joy bars — and if you’re reduced to granola bars or Sunchips forget it!)

Do: Go somewhere nice for the dinner.

Don’t:Forget that the hospital cafeteria is not ‘somewhere nice’! Even if they’re serving that awesome chicken a la king special…

Do:Listen when your lover says they want to be pampered with affection.

Don’t:Take them literally. Trust us. This is advice you can depend on.

Do:Tell your sweetie how much you like their body.

Don’t: Include the phrase “Great veins!’

Posted in: Columns

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Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

What do you do about the patient who’s looking for love? I’m not talking about Mr. Grabby trying to get a quick feel – I mean the real deal patient who has a crush on you? I work in an oncology office, and we’ve been seeing Mr. B for the past three months.

He’s a nice enough guy but when he asked me if I wanted to go to a movie or coffee sometime – well, let’s just say it’s not there. He’s really, really not my type.

I said to him that we can’t date patients and he came back with, “Well, let’s face it. I’m stage 4. It’s not like we’ll be dating long anyway.” Now I feel terrible. The past two times he’s been in the other nurse covered for me, but I can’t count on that. What should I do?

Signed,

Hooray for Valentine’s Day :-(

Dear Hooray,

Have you considered travel nursing?

Seriously, this is a delicate situation. I have a procedure to deal with delicate situations, which has never failed me in my many decades as a nurse. That’s not saying it always works, mind you, but I’ve never failed to use it anyway.

Try ignoring it completely. Pretend your a doctor with a 3 am page and pay no attention to it whatsoever! You know he asked you out, he knows he asked you out, and you both know that you’re not going. He’s still got cancer and you’re still a nurse. That should give you plenty to talk about.

Don’t feel bad about saying no. Unless, of course, you’re feeling obligated to say yes to everything a patient asks you for – a date, insider information on when the doc is actually expected to make her rounds, keys to your house? Life doesn’t work that way, and neither should you.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Posted in: Jokes

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But I Did It For Love: What The NM Said When I Missed My Shift

Ten years ago today my husband Mark was my boyfriend. But one morning he ‘kidnapped’ me, bundled me into the car, and we drove, much to my surprise, to Vegas and got married. It was the happiest day of my life – but I certainly hadn’t planned for it, to the extent that I didn’t actually have the day off from work.

Which isn’t the type of thing you tell your boyfriend when he’s proposing to get married RIGHT NOW.

So afterward, I had to go to my NM, shiny new ring on my finger, and explain what happened. She wasn’t thrilled, of course, but I was so apologetic and so obviously happy that she decided to let me go with a warning.

“You’d better not do this to me again!” were her final words. It’s been ten years and I haven’t let her down!

Posted in: Uncategorized

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