Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for December, 2010

A Nurse’s New Year’s Resolutions

2011 starts in just a few days.  That means it’s time to make your resolutions!  We’ve polled some of our favorite nurses to see what they’re planning to do to make 2011 the Best Year Ever.  Here’s the results:

  • I will give up chocolate.  Really.  Honest.  Why is everybody laughing?
  • I will stop blaming my electronic charting errors on magnetic storms and nearby lightning.
  • I will not bore my NM by calling in with the same old excuse.  I will come up with creative, exciting reasons that I can’t make it in to work.
  • I will grow into my weight.  By December 2011, I expect to be 9 feet tall.
  • I will stop looking for arcane wisdom hidden in my patient’s tattoos.
  • I will refrain from sneering at anyone who has more than 5 body piercings but claims to be afraid of needles.
  • I will never give a laxative and a sleeping pill to a patient at the same time. Even if I’m going off duty immediately thereafter.
  • I will no longer shout “Hooray!” and throw confetti when a PITA decides to go AMA.  At least not where anyone can see me.
  • The words “Hey, we could all use a little diversion around here” will never come out of my mouth again.
  • Buy all my lotto tickets at a luckier store — and finally get the clerk to give me my money back for all the defective tickets I bought before!

What’s your New Year’s Resolution?

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The In ‘N Outpatient by Kris Harty

“2011 has got to be better than 2010.”

Don’t know about you, but I hear that comment a lot. Maybe you’ve heard it, thought it, or grumbled it, along with a few other descriptive words, too.

There’s no denying that 2010 brought unwelcome, un-fun challenges to a slew of us, including me.

On the whole, though, I gotta say, these setbacks gave me a renewed appreciation for the people who got me through them. And still do. They help me ‘Stick through the Ick.’

It’s been a year since I was looking at going into a potentially harrowing modified total knee revision. Because of untold complications I brought to the table, there was no clear-cut fix for my situation. Some of what potentially needed to be done was impossible or risky if attempted. I was also looking at an insurance situation where there was no promise of coverage or payment. Can you say stressful?

It was the kindness and calmness of many people who got me through the year, beginning twelve months ago. A bunch of those people happened to be nurses.

How would I have gotten through yet another year marked by surgery if it hadn’t been for everyone who pitched in to take care of me throughout the lengthy process: pre-surgery, surgery, post-surgery, recovery, and for-crying-out-loud-it’s-been-five-months-when-will-I-stop-feeling-like-a-patient-and-just-get-to-be-a-normal (sort of) person-again?

Because of your profession, you already know the medical team needed to take a patient through surgery. Nonetheless, humor me as I test my memory for the nurses alone who helped me through the Ick of Surgery:

– my clinic nurse Fran, who helped with all the nitty-gritty practical issues of insurance and oh-so-much-more, including calming nitty gritty nerves before and after surgery;

– pre-op nurses, who calmed yet more nerves, and who walked me through this all-too-familiar process which should be piece o’ cake for me by now but never is;

– all the OR nurses who watched me when I couldn’t watch myself because I was unaware of um…everything;

– my post-op nurses who patiently and kindly answered my repetitive questions when I would have driven me crazy with such confusion;

– my post-surgical nurses on the floor who took care of, well…in a word – you guessed it – everything.

Isn’t it always the people in our lives who make it or break it for us? This last year was filled with people who helped me ‘Stick to it – no matter what!’  They are the StickPeople of my life.

By the nature of being a nurse, you’re a StickPerson to many, even if you don’t always see it. Know you’ve made a difference for others, and on the flip-side, who made a difference for you this year? Who helped you Stick through the Ick of 2010? Think about it, and if you’d care to share, I’d care to hear. Send me an email to the address below.

Here’s to a brighter and shinier 2011! And to the StickPeople who make it happen for me and for you!

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A few more days until a new year…and sorry, new challenges, too. Who will help you, and who will you help to Stick To It – No Matter What? Watch for Kris Harty’s timely book in early 2011, written specifically for and about Nurses as StickPeople. Kris is a 40-year veteran of the industry – on the receiving end. Her unique perspective is educational, inspirational, and full of reminders for nurses new and lifelong. Kris helps students decide on a nursing career, educates nurses on the easy way they can positively impact patient care, and reminds long-term nurses of what they already know. She is a keynote speaker, author and small group facilitator. Kris Harty is the Stickabilities Specialist at Strong Spirit Unlimited. If you’re looking for an effortless and meaningful way to thank your nursing staff for a job well done, contact Kris. Call 877.711.STIC(K), e-mail StrongSpirit@StrongSpiritUnlimited.com, or visit  www.StrongSpiritUnlimited.com

Posted in: The In 'N Out Patient

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He Thinks He’s A Surgeon

A doctor dies, and goes to Heaven. Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates he is told “Welcome to Heaven! You’ll find that everyone is equal here.”

The doctor is then given a tour of Heaven and finds that it is indeed true.

The doctor decides he’s just got to try the food. So he goes to the cafeteria and takes his place in the line.

While he’s waiting, a man in green scrubs goes rushing to the front of the line. He gets his food ahead of everyone who’d been patiently waiting.

“Hey, I thought everyone is equal here. Why did he cut line?” the confused doctor asked.

“Oh, him?” says St. Peter, “That’s God. He thinks he’s a surgeon.”

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Senior Texting Code

Cell phones are everywhere — including the senior center where I work! I mentioned to one of our ‘regulars’ that he was texting nearly as fast as my 14-year-old son (and that’s fast!)  He told me his secret was using abbreviations for everything…just like nurses do! With that in mind, I present his Senior Texting Code:

ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL… Rolling On The Floor Laughing
CGU: Can’t Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI: Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

Submitted by Ruby R, South Carolina

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