Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for November, 2010

Six Ways To Liven Up Thanksgiving Dinner

1. Bring your contribution to the big family feast in a bedpan — cranberry relish looks particularly fetching when contained in that gracefully curved basin!

2.Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your “shake” back to the table. Announce that it’s the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake. Explain that this mixture contains negative calories if delivered via feeding tube.

3.When everyone goes around to say what they are Thankful for, say, “I’m thankful I didn’t get caught” and refuse to say anything more.

4. Bring a date from work and spend the entire meal talking shop. That’s the surest way to make sure you get as much to eat as you want — everyone else won’t be able to eat a bite! Of course, if your family’s already caught on to this, bring someone new to the holiday feast: a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

5. Never, ever sit down during the Thanksgiving meal. Keep those Crocs moving! Insist that you can only eat food that comes from vending machines and candy-coated. Drink coffee directly from the pot, as quickly as possible.

6. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad’s not looking. Make sure it is set to the last two minutes of the game. When he comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.

Posted in: Uncategorized

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Secret Nursing Wisdom From Your Thanksgiving Turkey!

Turkey As the Thanksgiving holiday draws near, it occurs to us here in the hallowed halls of JNJ that so much of what REALLY defines nursing, what TRULY sets the profession apart, can truly only be learned from a surprising source: the turkey farm.

Our team of dedicated researchers traveled to turkey farms, watched hours of documentary television, and ordered many truly delicious sandwiches to learn those essential lessons in order to share them with you. (more…)

Posted in: Columns

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Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

Nurses are supposed to have ‘iron stomachs’ and most of the time, I do.  But if the patient has lice — you can’t get me out of that room fast enough!  I don’t know what it is, but the creepie crawlies in the hair – especially the body hair! – gross me out, sometimes to the point where I lose my  lunch.  Is there something I can do to get over this?  It’s an issue that isn’t exactly uncommon in this area.

Signed,

Creeped Out By Creepy Crawlies

Dear Fed Up,

I’m right there with you.  It really bugs me when a patient has lice.  Just seeing them makes me feel like they’re crawling on me. Of course, isn’t that just the typical nursing experience:  You see bugs, you feel bugs crawling on you.  You look at hot guys in the scrubs catalog, you feel bugs crawling on you.  We just never get a break.

Some nurses are only bothered by very young bugs — they won’t hang around eggs or grubs one nit-picking minute longer than they have to.  Other nurses loathe the aged bugs.  I get that.  Ant-iques aren’t for everyone.

But honestly? I know it’s hard, but we just have to get used to it.  Some of our patients are going to arrive with extra passengers aboard!

Lice are here to stay.  In fact, some people believe that insects are destined to take over the earth.  Haven’t you heard of global worming?

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge


Posted in: Jokes

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The In ‘N Outpatient by Kris Harty

“They’re all alike.”

It was a rude awakening listening to the receptionist at my doctor’s office.

I’ve previously been stereotyped within earshot for various reasons, but not usually when I’m the paying customer. Most employees understand who ultimately pays their mortgage, and it’s not so much their employer.

Another customer – aka patient – and I were sitting in the waiting room this week.  The other customer sat down moments before, following the check-in process, during which she was laughing and chatting with the same receptionist in question.

This apparently newish receptionist then answered the phone. She hung up and turned to her coworker to ask a question: “What’s the process in this situation?”

The more experienced receptionist asked a clarifying question around the circumstances. Unexpectedly, the newer receptionist launched into a mocking tone while mimicking the patient’s story.

The two receptionists ping ponged their talk regarding the appropriate process to follow. The more experienced receptionist ignored the mockery and stuck to business. Shockingly, though, she did nothing to stop the newer receptionist’s impersonation or educate her about her attitude.

The other patient and I looked at each other. Eyebrows rose. Were we really hearing what we were hearing? Were we in the right office? Were we on Candid Camera??

“Ok, whoever you are. C’mon out from behind that wall and ‘fess up. We know you’re there!”

Hmmm, nope. Sadly, no Allen Funtness going on.

The other patient decided to speak up, with a teasing tone in her voice. “Hey, we can hear you, ya know. Sounds like you had a tough call?”

“NO!” came the answer from the mocking receptionist. “All calls from patients are like that. I ask a question about their medication and they answer with a huge long story about their pharmacy and what’s going on there. Like I care.”

“Maybe they think they’re helping you understand the situation,” interjected the patient.

“No, they’re just whiners. I can’t believe how patients go on and on, without saying anything important. All day long, every day. It’s so annoying.”

The other patient and I realized she wasn’t interested in hearing another perspective, and her coworker wasn’t interested in training her on the finer points of customer service. She was letting this golden opportunity slip away to File 13.

No wonder this office has a revolving door of receptionists. “Step right up, try your hand at playing ‘Russian Receptionist’!” In the decade I’ve gone to this specialist, I’ve seldom had a positive front-desk encounter. If I didn’t like my doctor so much, I’d shop around.

I was determined to mention this experience to the good doc or nurse behind closed doors. Alas, my mind was on other matters by then and, following the normal sequence of events lately, I forgot.

Maybe I should call back. “Yes, please have the doctor call me. What’s it about? Oh, let’s see, that would be… YOU!”

I can only imagine the front-desk chatter my message would generate. Receptionists: are they really all alike? Thankfully, NO!

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Fed up, worn down, and burned out? You’re only weeks away from the antidote. Ok, maybe not THE antidote, but a darn good start to feeling better soon. Watch for Kris Harty’s upcoming book, available late Fall. Great as a gift for the healthcare professional  – coworkers or you – combating Compassion Fatigue. Kris has been in the medical industry for 40 years, on the receiving end. Kris was diagnosed at age seven with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Her gratitude inspires providers to keep going.  Kris helps healthcare teams, particularly nurses, combat Compassion Fatigue, while helping their managers reduce turnover. Her message is content-rich, practical, and engaging – and sporadically funny. She is a keynote speaker, author and small group facilitator. Kris Harty is the Stickabilities Specialist at Strong Spirit Unlimited. Clients say her message is life changing. Beat the rush: book now for 2011. Call 877.711.STICK, e-mail StrongSpirit@StrongSpiritUnlimited.com, or visit  www.StrongSpiritUnlimited.com.

Posted in: The In 'N Out Patient

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