Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for October, 2010

The In ‘N Outpatient by Kris Harty

“Boo.”

Oh yea, eek.

It was a year ago this week that, for the first time, I went through a Halloween Haunted House. I never thought I was haunted house material. So it was with some hesitation and – ok, let’s be honest – downright fear (but not for the usual reasons) that I somewhat reluctantly agreed to participate.

“No, really, it’s ok. I’ll wait for you guys in the car. I’ll be fine. Take your time. Have fun.”

Peter and Wayne weren’t letting me off that easily.

No, leave it to them to be good friends. The kind that go out of their way to help others do what they want to do but are too chicken to do. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

“Not a problem, Kris. I’m sure the operators of the haunted house have accommodated folks with mobility issues before. I’ll talk with them and we’ll figure it out.”

The response? “Of course, we’d be glad to accommodate. Come to the head of the line!”

There wasn’t going to be an easy way out of this one.

I was diagnosed at age seven with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. After the onset of JRA and its accompanying decreased mobility, walking in uneven, dark, moving spaces, surrounded by screaming, running, pushing, shoving kids wasn’t such an enticing idea.

My friends assured me they’d help, guide, and protect me. And they did. Amazingly so. If I’m ever in the trenches, I want them with me.

Wayne led the way. I hung onto Wayne’s waist. Peter hung onto mine. We maneuvered, slowly, carefully. It was a surprise to learn a haunted house might inspire more laughs than shrieks. It was even more surprising that they were my laughs.

The uncontrollable giggling wasn’t appreciated by the ghouls of the house. Because of my lack of stature, they automatically thought I was a kid. They repeatedly got in my face and walked alongside me, while I laughed hysterically the whole time. Ok, so ghouls don’t scare me. But give me an uneven surface, and whoa, baby. Now you’re talking.

And that’s what our little troop encountered next – the slanted room. Not a wimpy slant. We’re talking a full 45 degree slant. No way, no how, was this body going to navigate that room. With Wayne pulling and Peter pushing, and the monster of the room taking a time out to help, we conquered it. Hey, where’s our medal?

Other than Wayne carrying me up and down stairs, both guys calming my fears as the darkened ‘womb room’ pressed in around us, and scary creatures jumping at us from all angles, the haunted house was so uneventful. Yawn.

Not.

It was one of the funnest physical experiences I’ve known. No doubt our echoes of laughter can still be heard as new crowds excitedly navigate a certain Austin, Texas, haunted house.

May your Halloween be filled with as many laughs as eeks and shrieks.

“Boo to you, too!” Back at ya. Try harder next time.

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Fed up, worn down, and burned out? You’re only weeks away from the antidote. Ok, maybe not THE antidote, but a darn good start to feeling better soon. Watch for Kris Harty’s upcoming book, available late Fall. Great for gifting for the professional combating Compassion Fatigue – even if that’s yourself. Kris has been in the healthcare industry for 40 years, on the receiving end. Kris was diagnosed at age seven with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Her gratitude now inspires providers to keep going.  Kris helps healthcare teams, and particularly nurses, combat Compassion Fatigue, while helping their managers reduce turnover. Her message is content-rich, practical, and engaging – and sporadically funny. She is a keynote speaker, author and small group facilitator. Kris Harty is the Stickabilities Specialist at Strong Spirit Unlimited. Clients say her message is life changing. Beat the rush: book now for 2011. Call 877.711.STICK, e-mail StrongSpirit@StrongSpiritUnlimited.com, or visit  www.StrongSpiritUnlimited.com.

Posted in: The In 'N Out Patient

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How Humor Helps: Patient Communication

Weatherboard Home Working with geriatric patients is a special joy, but the patient population also presents some unique challenges. Christine R, a nurse from Kansas City, was having a hard time explaining to her patient Harold why he was so itchy and uncomfortable.

“You see, Harold, it’s because you have shingles,” Christine began.

“The hell I do!” he protested. “You can’t tell me that!” His response was so forceful and insistent that Christine didn’t have an answer right away.

“I found myself checking the paperwork again. But there it was, larger than life — and believe me, it’s not like we don’t see shingles often enough! If the doc says it’s shingles, she knows what she’s talking about.” She laughed. “So I asked him, “Harold, why you think you don’t have shingles?” (more…)

Posted in: Columns

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Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

I’m a new nurse.  I just had my first review, and was told I need to learn the difference between being assertive and being aggressive.   Can you explain this difference for me?

Signed

Assertive/Aggressive Anne

Dear Assertive/Aggressive Anne,

Many people are confused by the difference between assertive and aggressive behavior.  This may be because human interaction is a nuanced, delicate affair, where the way we say words, hold our bodies while we’re speaking, or begin and end conversations can dramatically impact the way our message is received.

It may also be because people have an almost infinite capacity to view their own behavior in the best possible light, to such a degree where you find yourself jumping up and down on top of your charge nurse, bludgeoning her around the head and shoulders with your clipboard, screaming, “If I can’t get these visitors escorted out by security now I’m going to throw them out the window myself!” and term that as particularly energetic patient advocacy.

With that in mind, here are a few examples you can use to become clear on the difference between assertive and aggressive:

Assertive: I need you to bring this patient down to Physical Therapy now, please.

Aggressive: I need you to bring this patient down to Physical Therapy now, please, before I am forced to rearrange your bones in such a way that you’ll need PT yourself!

Assertive: It appears that you failed to dispense medications, complete your charting, and help Patient X up from the floor before you left work for the day.  This is unacceptable.

Aggressive: Explain to me, in great detail, why the mess you left me yesterday will never, ever, ever happen again. If I like your explanation, I’ll pay off the bagpiper and he’ll stop following you around playing his version of Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie”.

Assertive: Yes, Doctor, it is three am, and yes, you do need to take this call. Here are the changes in patient condition you need to know about…

Aggressive: Knock, knock!  Hey, doc, since you have such an attitude on the phone, I figured I’d drive on over and see what you had to say to my face!  And look, I brought Patient X’s latest stool samples for your examination and edification!

Hope that helps!

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Posted in: Jokes

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Better than Viagra!

NEW MEDICINE FOR MEN
With Viagra such a great medical success for increasing men’s sexual prowess, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society.. Here are a few of the new ones:

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DIRECTRA – a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

VIAGRA-SKI
Wonderful for those who have a hard time getting up on water-skis.
Forty-five minutes after taking it, you’ll get up and stay up, out of
the water.

CHILDAGRA
Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform
more child-care tasks especially cleaning up spills and “little
accidents”.

PROJECTRA – Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

COMPLIMENTRA – In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA – Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store’s return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA – Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA – This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA – This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal gasesback into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA – This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA – About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people.
Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into “special prosecutors.”

LIAGRA – This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

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