Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for October, 2010

Top Ten Ways To Tell It’s Halloween In The ER

10. An Orthodontics specialist is called in for the vampire who wants to improve his bite.

9. There’s no tape anywhere in the ER because *someone* needed it for their mummy costume.

8. The usually reliable teeth:tattoo ratio appears to be disturbingly off until the impact of costuming is taken into account. For some reason, everyone wants to be a hillbilly or a biker this year!

7. Psych has to call in their Monster Psychologist: Dr. Shrinkenstein!

6. Ativan and Haldol for all the Trick or Treaters!

5. Vampire patients experiencing trauma arrive via blood vessel.

4. The foreign objects lodged in uncomfortable places are distressingly orange…or equipped with bat wings!

3. X-rays are redundant when your patient is a skeleton!

2. Zombies in Training…arriving by the hour!

1. Goblins, ghosts and ghouls don’t scare you but if anyone utters the “Q” word, you scream in terror!

Posted in: Columns

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Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

I’ve wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember. When I was little, I had the little nurse kit. Nursing school was the only choice for me. I thought there’d be no happier day then when I heard someone call “Nurse!” and know they wanted me.

Now that I am a nurse, I cringe every time someone bellows “Nurse!” It’s always a problem patient — the kind that’s too good to use the call light. I introduce myself to all of my patients — they all know my name. If they have to shout something, couldn’t they at least yell my name?

Signed,

My Name’s Not Nurse

Dear My Name’s Not Nurse,

No. No. A hundred, million times, no. It is NOT better for your patients to yell your name.

Think this through. If the patient is yelling “Nurse, nurse!” there’s a chance (albeit perhaps a small one) that one of your co-workers or aides would respond and handle whatever crisis is occurring — pulling up the blanket, fluffing the pillow, changing the television channel, or handling an actual medical catastrophe. (I’ve never seen this last one myself, but I’ve heard of it happening.)

If the patient is yelling “Irene!” or “Gertrude!” or whatever your name might be, what are the odds of one of your colleagues answering the call? Slim to none.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Posted in: Jokes

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Halloween Costumes For Nurses

Two nurses were invited to a Halloween party. Money was tight, and they weren’t sure what they were going to do for a costume. But Nurse Nancy had a great idea. On the way to the party, she and Nurse Irene stopped at the Army Navy Store. They bought a set of fatigues.

Nancy wore the top, and Irene wore the bottoms.

Everyone at the party was delighted with their costumes: Upper and Lower GIs!

Posted in: Uncategorized

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Use As Directed

A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a BUMP … BUMP … BUMP…” behind him.

Walking faster, he looks back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him… “BUMP … BUMP … BUMP…”

The man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces quickly after him ……. faster … faster … BUMP … BUMP … BUMP.

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks the door behind him, however, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping… BUMP … BUMP … BUMP… on the heals of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin breaks down the door.

Coming slowly towards him, the man screaming, reaches for something, anything… all he can find is a box of cough drops!

Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin… and… of course… the coffin stops!

Looking for great Halloween jokes to share with colleagues, patients, and friends? There’s some really funny stuff here!

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