Nurse Marge in Charge

Nurse Marge might not have all the answers, but after *ahem* years as a RN in some of the nation’s toughest hospitals, she sure knows how to make up something that sounds right! We get lots of questions here at JNJ, from nurses looking for advice and guidance and Nurse Marge has graciously agreed to answer them for us.

So with that, let’s turn the floor over to Nurse Marge!

Dear Nurse Marge,

They say it happens to everyone, but it’s never happened to me.  Puking at work, that is. I have to admit that I’ve gotten kind of proud of that: if you’re an ER nurse, an iron stomach is a GOOD thing!

You know that we all kind of keep track of this.  (Hey ER nurses are different!) My best bud in the world lost it one time when we had a patient who could have been the Exorcist — projectile puke EVERYWHERE, and there was Irene adding her lunch to the mix. Doc G., the best attending you could ever hope for, once power puked after dealing with a nasty GI bleed.  There are dozens of stories – c-diff and feeding tubes and foleys and you know that someone’s going to vomit.

Except me.

Until now.  It’s not like we’ve never had dirty patients before — some of our folks haven’t been bathing regular for a long time, if you get my drift.  But this particular patient was filthy: skin caked black with grease and dirt. And he smelled.  And he had a beautiful three-corner laceration, the skin flipped back just enough — and as soon as I saw it, it was my turn to run for the bathroom.

You can imagine how much fun my colleagues have had with this.  I’m completely mortified — I was *sure* nothing would make me hurl.  How can I prevent this from happening again?

Signed,

Suddenly Squeamish

Dear Suddenly Squeamish,

There’s really two different questions here.  One is how do you keep from puking when something grosses you out, and the second is how you deal with having your Claim to Fame disappear in a big, retching hurry.

The first part is easy — for me at least, because all I have to say is “Heck if I know!”  Every nurse has their ‘thing’ that sends them over the edge: for some, it’s maggots, others, c-diff, others, visitors who eat off the patient’s meal tray. For me, it’s JCAHO inspectors.  Let me tell you what a treat that is!

Once you know what your trigger thing is, you can avoid it as much as possible — that’s been my route to JCAHO and let me tell you that’s worked out well for everyone, in the long term — or you can try to develop a tolerance for it.  You can become immune to anything, given enough exposure.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing!

Now let’s address the pride goes before a fall aspect of this.  She who brags about her iron stomach laughs last over a chunky bedpan, you know what I’m saying? This can teach you to be more compassionate to your fellow nurses, and extend sympathy and understanding to those student nurses who lose their lunch and what little confidence they brought with them that day.

I mean, I understand that people do do that sort of thing.  I don’t, but it’s been done.

What you’ve also got here is your own “War story”.  If you can’t embrace compassion, education, and empathy, you can at least be entertaining.  Practice telling the tale of how you lost it and eventually, you’ll have a treasure: a tale so disgusting, so vivid, so compelling that you can clear a lunch room full of nurses simply using words.

And that, my friend, is power.

Use it wisely.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Have a question for Nurse Marge? Simply email it to her at Cindy@journalofnursingjocularity.com and our fearless editor will pass it along to her! Chances are good she’ll answer it in an upcoming column. Nurse Marge in Charge updates every Monday.

Also: Our lawyers insist that Nurse Marge’s advice and opinions are only that — advice and opinions. Use them at your own risk!