Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for June, 2010

Get a Life by Loretta LaRoche

Little by little we are spiraling into a place where being tacky, rude, immoral, unethical or stupid is often rewarded with a reality show, book or movie deal. TV moguls have created a genre that seems to be a bottom less pit. Nothing is prohibitive or sensitive.

In fact crude and rude seem to be in vogue. Presently you can watch New Jersey housewives which is predicated on a group of uber-entitled women, one of which recently declared bankruptcy.

It seems Theresa Giudice and husband Joes’ spending sprees have left them owing 10. 5 million dollars to creditors. However, their lawyers ability to finagle their case allows them to keep any new income they make which will then make it possible for Teresa to continue to shop till she drops.

If you want a teenage version, you have only to turn on Jersey Shores. This group takes gauche to an all time high. Snookie the young girl who seems to get the most press is now about to launch a clothing line called “ Filthy Couture”.

Now there’s something I can’t wait to buy. I wonder if the label recommends taking a bath afterwards.

Have a need to watch a couple with bad manners? Well, you just got your wish. The Salahis who crashed a White House dinner party are set to have their own show. I wonder what the premise will be? Will they simply spend their nights going to parties their not invited to, while viewers watch the shocked look on the host and hostesses faces?

If none of the above sounds enticing then I suggest you watch Eliot Spitzer, the former governor of New York who was caught transporting a hooker across state lines in his new CNN talk show. It seems CNN’s ratings have gone down so why not?

In fact you can not only watch Spitzer, but you can also read Ashley Dupres column in the New York Post called “Meet Market”. She was the one who bedded Spitzer and I guess her expertise is such that she gets to write once a week about sex, love, and relationships. If you’re a psychologist you might want to trade your shingle for a set of sheets.

In fact being refined, tasteful and educated is probably not going to cut it. If you want to have a realty show you’re going to have to get down in the dirt and scratch with the chickens.

Posted in: Get A Life

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Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

Summer vacation is almost here — and that’s music to this school nurse’s ears! Let me tell you, I’m ready for a break from “My stomach hurts” and fevers that spike out of control — at 98.605! I usually pick up some extra hours working per diem at one of the local hospitals over the break but with the economy being the way it is, there are lots of nurses on the list, and I’m not likely to get called often. What should I do with my time?

Signed,

School’s Out For Summer

Dear School’s Out for Summer,

Now, I’ve never been a school nurse. But if I were, I figure it would take me every minute of that three month break to get over my twitching every time someone looked at me vaguely green around the gills and far too full of Fruit Loops. Not having “Fountains of Fun” around? Not exactly what I’d define as a problem.

So much of being a school nurse is providing basic health education to the children. You could use this time to develop innovative teaching tools. Consider programs like:

Six Super Ways to Get Mom to Let You Stay Home!

Parasites: Friend, Foe, or Really Gross Sandwich Topping?

Handwashing – Because You Don’t Know Where That Pencil’s Been. Really. Trust Me.

Sandwiches Shouldn’t Be Fuzzy: An Examination Of the Primary Grade Lunch Box Environment

Given time and motivation — both of which I don’t actually have any personal experience with, but I’ve heard such things do actually occur in the natural world — you could secure grant funding for program development! That’ll make up for that pesky lack of per diem funding!

So start planning your triumphant fall semester full of innovative cutting edge health initiatives. You could reduce stomach aches by at least .25%!

Obviously, these lessons work best with musical accompaniment. Stratospheric amounts of research indicate that children retain information best when it’s delivered in the form of a catchy tune. Many nurses aren’t particularly musical; reinforce your skills by spending approximately 9 weeks observing your favorite bands on tour to see how they make the musical magic happen. Make sure your funding source picks up the tickets!

That’s what I would do. Unless, of course, I was sleeping.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Posted in: Jokes

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