Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for June, 2010

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Cancer

This week you’ll get to make a parent’s day when you assure them that their child is not suffering from an esoteric mental disorder – they’re simply imitating Lady Gaga.

Leo

If you’re a psychiatric nurse, Leo, nothing this week will seem the least bit unusual.

Virgo

Delegation is the key to stress relief: give your most demanding patients away as quickly as possible. Trust your colleagues and abandon the idea that you’re the only one who can satisfy Ms. I’ve Been A Nurse For Forty Years – she’s really not all that pleased with your performance either. Hate to burst your bubble but you might as well give yourself a break.

Libra

Cat scratch fever and the boogie woogie flu are perfectly adequate reasons to call in sick! Contain contagion vectors, ensure public health, and get a great tan all at the same time!

Scorpio

A lack of clear communication plagues Scorpio this week. Your colleagues may not be delivering report in Swahili – but it sure seems like it! Have patience and achieve clarity after Tuesday.


Sagittarius

Don’t keep your mind so open that your brain falls out, Sagittarius! Adding an element of skepticism to your therapeutic approach may be unpleasant – but it’ll reduce the number of frequent flyers pulling into your particular airport!

Capricorn

Visitors confuse your unit with a movie set and start filming everything on their smart phone: your cameo appearance may mean HIPPAA compliance – but it’s guaranteed YouTube fame as Psycho Nurse. Make sure to smile pretty!


Aquarius

Temperatures are rising, tempers are flaring but Aquarius is the master of keeping cool. This does require breaking out the ice bath – and submerging Dr. Annoying for three to five seconds at a time!


Pisces

Don’t let a week of low census and amicable patients lull you into a false sense of confidence: the minute you agree to work a double, total chaos will ensue. In other news, under no circumstances utter the words, “Boy, it’s quiet around here” before Friday!

Aries

Every cloud has a silver lining. So does every bedpan, but that doesn’t mean you have to search it out! Ever optimistic Aries needs to control the tendency to look on the sunny side this week.

Taurus

Money concerns plague Taurus this week. Create a new diet sensation by filming feeding tube insertions. Guaranteed to kill your appetite every time – simply watch before every mealtime and watch the pounds melt away – along with your financial difficulties!

Gemini

Money concerns plague Taurus this week. Create a new diet sensation by filming feeding tube insertions. Guaranteed to kill your appetite every time – simply watch before every mealtime and watch the pounds melt away – along with your financial difficulties!
Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!

Posted in: Games, Horoscopes, and Quizzes

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Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

I’ve always been interested in paranormal phenomenon, and make a point of asking my fellow nurses if they’ve every experienced anything out of the ordinary while they were working.  I’ve heard some great stories, and I’ve got to ask you: Nurse Marge, have you ever seen any ghosts?

Signed,

Spooky RN

Dear Spooky RN,

I’ve never seen a ghost, but like many nurses, I have a great deal of experience being haunted.  I’m continually haunted by my memories of a regular sleep schedule – going to bed at night time, seven nights a week, waking up when the sun’s actually headed up instead of going down.  And I’m haunted by the idea that there are meals that don’t come from vending machines, and entrees that don’t feature chocolate covered peanuts in a colorful candy coating. It’s completely creepy how stranger’s veins hold an unnatural appeal and people I barely know have absolutely no issue sharing their most intimate health concerns with me in the express lane at the QuickieMart.

Scariest of all, I bet you’ll find that if you ask other nurses, you’ll discover that they have had the same exact experience….

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Posted in: Jokes

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The In N’ Out Patient by Kris Harty

Nurses have special powers. I know this for a fact.

My memory being what it is (or isn’t), I don’t remember many names of nurses I’ve encountered in the last four decades, but I do remember this:  thinking, even in the wayyyy-back days, that nurses had special secret powers. For example, all along, you seem to have known what I needed even before I could frantically untangle my call button. (more…)

Posted in: The In 'N Out Patient

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Theory on the Beauty of the Bedpan by Theresa Galakatos

1. The purpose of my choice, the bedpan, is to better understand the bedpan in its natural environment, its ability to mitigate perplexing situations, and its breathtaking encounters behind the scenes. To remove any preconceived notions about the bedpan and its purpose the investigator must maintain a scientific detachment due to relative internal pressures, fallout issues, or the possibility of false alarms. Good research will typically uncover link after link of knowledge identifying months of vast, fully formed explications with rebuttals. The researcher’s opinion with regards to purpose or outcome should not vary however due to different structural components or dependent on form and context, one’s involvement and experience with the bedpan may present unique descriptive or qualitative knowledge for the discipline of nursing.

2. A description of the bedpan for this theoretical analysis is called Emperor III Avant-Garde with an easier to clean form and improved comfort design. The yellow or rose colored full sized model holds deposits of up to one liter and is easy to handle with grips on both sides – the fracture bedpan holds moderate deposits.

3. The bedpan’s look is simple in quality and style with a simplified strength found in early Greek sculpture. Its oval shape and featherweight body aim to help with a quick response to patients in body casts or with new hip repairs. (more…)

Posted in: Columns

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