Archive for March, 2010
Every profession has its less than desirable moments, and nursing is no exception. There’s a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. Nobody does it more thoroughly than our Code Brown Responder, Miss Lucy Poopee. It’s obvious that Lucy has a B.S., but few people realize she graduated Magnum Enemata
Lucy arrives on the scene in her neatly tailored brown scrubs, specially selected for their stain resistance and complementary color scheme. Miss Poopee completes this ensemble with:
Color-coordinated footwear which lets her wade right into her job.
A nose ornament that not only makes a real fashion statement, but also prevents olfactory burnout.
Practical eyewear capable of reducing visual overload and lessening eyestrain.
The accessory rectal tube with helps channel the patient’s activities.
An optional shovel for those patients who are chronic overachievers.
Chux for protecting fine linens.
Air spray for restoring an air of purity.
Butt light…for those hard to visualize areas.
Scrub brushes designed to remove even the most stubborn stains.
Handy motorized powder applicator, to really put a polish on the job.
A custom-made leather tool belt to keep all of Miss Lucy Poopee’s items easily accessible.
Classic JNJ humor! This piece first appeared in the early 90’s – and we think Lucy needs a makeover! Send us your sketches, your drawings, your photos of what Lucy looks like! Send them to Cindy@journalofnursingjocularity.com
Horoscopes just for Nurses!
Sometimes that learning curve is a vertical line, Aries! Try to remember your student days and be compassionate. You weren’t born knowing everything, either.
One way that computerized charting is just like old school paper charting: one misplaced cup of coffee can ruin your whole day! Be careful where you put your cup, Taurus!
Never underestimate the power of one well placed whoopie cushion to change the entire tone of the day!
Resist the temptation to ask your patient if they want fries with that, as they rattle of a list of things that they expect the nurse to do…they’ll likely say yes!
Patient education is particularly challenging this week, Leo. We recommend saying “Don’t DO THAT!” in a very loud voice until the message gets through.
Setting boundaries is good, Virgo. You’ll know you’re overdoing it when you wake up family members to check their vitals — and YOU’RE still sleeping!
Consider treating the more terrible parts of the day as a game: for example, how many diseases/disorders/really bad ideas can you diagnose using only your nose?
Calling in Search and Rescue to find out what happened to those meds you were promised would be ‘right there’ is probably excessive, Scorpio. Understandable, but excessive. And the pharmacy would never forgive you.
It’s always five seconds after you empty the bedpan that another stool sample is needed!
Capricorn finds themselves in ‘stealth nurse’ mode this week, to keep from having anyone who knows you, or anyone you know, or anyone they know, from asking you very detailed, very intimate medical questions. There’s a limit to what you really want to know about great-aunt-Agnes’ neighbor’s son’s girlfriend’s urinary tract.
Patient advocacy is job number one for Aquarius this week, followed shortly by resolving a great deal of paperwork confusion, which turns out to be job number Q!
If you work with a lumberjack injured on the job, do you check for post treematic stress?
Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!
An elderly man was admitted to a nursing home by his family due to his weakening condition. The next morning, the nurse saw him leaning to the extreme left in his chair, so she propped a pillow under that side. Later, she noticed him leaning to the right, so she put a pillow there, too. Soon, he was leaning forward, so out came the vest restraint.
His family came to see him, and the nurse explained her efforts to keep him from hurting himself.
The family asked the gentleman how he was doing. “The food is good, the nurse is real nice, but she doesn’t like people to fart around here.”
Classic JNJ Humor from Karen Bone, RN
At the doctor’s office, a woman complained that she’d been experiencing almost constant flatus. “Fortunately,” she added, “They don’t stink.”
The physician did his physical exam, and then instructed the woman, “Take two of these pills and call me in the morning.”
The woman did as instructed. In the morning, she discovered that her flatus had continued, but now the odor was horrendous. She called the doctor back.
“Well,” the doctor replied, “Now that I’ve cured your sinus problem, I’ll see what I can do about your flatus.”
Classic JNJ Humor from Doug Fletcher, RN