Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for February, 2010

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Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

I’ve just discovered I’m pregnant.  Now, I’ve been a nurse for a while, and I’ve seen how the other nurses treat pregnant colleagues — it’s all nice up front, but  nasty nasty behind the back.  I don’t want that — so I’ve kept it quiet.  But I won’t be able to keep it quiet for long.  What’s the best way to stop my co workers from treating me any differently than they have up until now?

Stressed in Spokane

Dear Stressed,

To really believe that your fellow nurses will treat you differently if you’re pregnant means you must believe they’re not talking behind your back now.  Come on.  You know these people.

Leopards don’t change their spots, but they will generally shell out for a nice romper, some onsies, or even a Diaper Genie if you play your cards right.  Assume that they’re going to be annoyed and irritable — that’s their nature, and you’ll only stress yourself out trying to change it.  Meanwhile, enjoy the daylights out of being pregnant.

Can’t go in the isolation room?  Don’t go in — JOYOUSLY!

Too far along to turn the 500 pound patient who insists on groping every woman within reach?  Shucks! Make sure to cheer supportively from the sidelines.

Have to vomit suddenly, despite the fact Dr. Annoying Face is right there?  Make sure you get a picture afterward for the baby book!

Some times in your life are special, and you shouldn’t let the actions of the people around you dictate your enjoyment of them.  Don’t worry about cranky faces and nasty attitudes — as soon as you’re not pregnant, they’ll have something else to be cranky and nasty about.  That’s the nature of the beast.  You go have fun.  And maybe, just maybe, you’ll serve as an example that others will emulate.

By the time you’re back from maternity leave, they’ll be so happy to see you (and share the workload!) that they’ll even smile at all your new Mommy stories.

For a while.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Posted in: Jokes

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Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!


Asking “What were you doing to that dog before he bit you?” may not be part of the standard rabies control protocol, Pisces, but this week, you might understand why it should be.  Congratulations on another successful week saving humanity from itself.


If the patient calls to see if the ER is ‘too busy’ before they come in with their emergency, the only possible answer is “Oh  my God a bus just crashed through the front door hold on!”  Or so I’m told.  You would never do such a thing, would you, Aries?


There are questions in this world you don’t want the answers to, Taurus.  Like why someone would want the foreign object retrieved from an uncomfortable location back — they didn’t want it when they had it!  But if you get an answer to that mystery, let us know.


If a patient has a vowel obstruction, does that mean they can’t say A, E, I, O, or U?


Weighty issues have been on your mind, Cancer.  Whether it’s your own personal quest for fitness or your own personal quest for a patient-turning strategy that works on people who weigh more than your car, you’ve been doing some heavy thinking.  Stop it and go for a walk.


Taking histories is a special delight for you this week, Leo, as you learn that your patient has no previous history of suicide.


Word play delights you, and you spend much of a shift musing aloud if something that’s been bothering someone for six years can truly be deemed an emergency.


If you remove the pizza the NPO patient had delivered from his room, is it REALLY wrong to swipe a piece,or REALLY REALLY wrong? Does it matter if it’s double pepperoni with extra cheese? This week will be full of moral quandries, Libra, try to stay strong.


If you’re a psychiatric nurse, Scorpio, nothing this week will seem the least bit unusual.


This week, you have a chance to introduce a patient to that radical new health care innovation: SOAP!  Future generations will have to see if the trend toward cleanliness is anything more than a fad, but the roommate is pretty happy with you.


A surprise encounter will have you rethinking your entire career path.  Be careful on Wednesday.


Feelings of sorrow and regret plague the beginning of the week, but give way to the wonder of realizing you really do make a difference midweek.

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are for Entertainment Purposes ONLY!

Posted in: Games, Horoscopes, and Quizzes

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