How To Tell If You’re A Nurse On Thanksgiving

This time of year can be confusing for many people.  The frenzy of preparing turkeys and pumpkin pies, coordinating out of town guests and travel arrangements, and other ‘festive’ activities can create a type of identity stress, leaving you confused about whether or not you are, in fact, a nurse.

To help in this sitution (because we here at JNJ are a helpful bunch!) we’ve designed this simple quiz.  Answer these questions, and you’ll be able to determine if you are or not a nurse.

Question #1: It’s Thanksgiving Day.  Where are you?

A) In the kitchen, lovingly preparing meals for my nearest and dearest.  They’re going to love the cornbread dressing!

B) Propped up in front of the TV, watching the Macy’s Day Parade followed by the Westminster Dog Show, followed by entirely too much football while snarfing down turkey-dressing-pumpkin pie sandwiches. (Don’t judge!)

C) On my way to Grandmother’s house, over the river and through the woods, with a nice stretch along Route 66.

D) In a toe-to-toe confrontration with a combative patient who insists that they’re going home for the holidays, chest pain be damned!

Question #2: When is Thanksgiving?

A) Traditionally,  the third Thursday in November. (October if you’re Canadian!)

B) November 26th.

C) We usually aim for sometime in the fall.

D) 2:00 on the dot at Nana’s house, come hell or highwater.

Question #3: When You Serve Thanksgiving Dinner, You:

A) Model your presentation on Martha Stewart’s elegant plates.

B) Forget Martha Stewart! It’s all about Paula Deen and mountains of butter-saturated food, baby!

C) Serve? I get one day off in sixteen months, and you want me to wait on YOU?

D) Cut everything into bite-sized pieces to avoid any unnecesary excitement during the meal.

Question #4: The ideal Thanksgiving menu:

A) Turkey, dressing, gravy, potatoes, veggies, cranberry sauce, dessert.

B) Anything I don’t have to cook.

C) A vegetarian extravaganza, with a stuffed pumpkin, tofu delights, roasted brussel sprouts, and a vegan cheesecake with caramel topping.

D) Is hot, served on real dishes (not a bedpan!), and takes longer than 2.2 minutes to eat.

Question #5: To prepare your turkey:

A) Baste often, using a Toomey syringe (best idea EVER!)

B) Consult the Food Network often, with the Butterball helpline on speed dial.

C) Piece of cake, I do it every year!

D) Boston Market has them ready to go for $40!

Your Answer Key

Question Number 1

If you picked:

A, B, or C: Likely not a nurse.

D: Your’e a nurse!

Question Number 2

If you picked:

A, B, or D: Likely not a nurse.

C: You’re a nurse!

Question Number 3

If you picked:

A or B: Likely not a nurse.

C or D: You’re a nurse!

Question Number 4

If you picked

A, B, or C: Likely not a nurse (We’re willing to entertain arguements about answer B here!)

D: You’re a nurse!

Question Number 5

If you picked

A: You’re a nurse!

B, C, or D: Likely not a nurse

Other questiosn for our quiz VERY welcome!  What else should we ask ourselves?