Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for October, 2009

And That’s When I Knew I Needed To Have My Hearing Checked…

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,” he mumbles, from behind the mask “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies “I don’t know,Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them
around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, “No sir, they aren’t and I assure you, there’s nothing wrong
with them, Sir!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was
wonderful, but listen very, very closely…..

Are my test results back?

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Get A Life by Loretta LaRoche

I wonder where all the old fashioned telephone operators are? Have they gone to some distant planet where an evolved species has recognized the unbelievable power of “real” human connection?

I hope so, because it would be so sad if their talents were simply left unnoticed or unused. I loved picking up the phone and hearing a real person who I could interact with.

Oh, there are still some pockets of humans left. My cell phone service has directory assistance with real people who are actually interested in helping. The same company uses a clone for their home service.

I know that all companies have to monitor their bottom line, but should it be at the mercy of their customers’ mental well being? Every time I pick up the phone to try to access someone’s number, I know I will probably end up with my blood pressure and heart rate maxed out. I wouldn’t be surprised if I end up in a straight jacket some day after talking to the “human wannabe”!

Who ever created this aberration seems to have forgotten to test its hearing. The other day it asked for city and state. I responded Colorado and it repeated back, colonoscopy. I initially remained calm but after a few minutes of bantering back and forth, I finally said the magic word “operator” and was connected to a real person. She seemed to understand me immediately and connected me without a problem.

Clones aside, another “made for madness” device is the voice mail that has to tell you about all the services the organization has before you can reach what you need.

Why do I need to know where to get my dry cleaning done, get a pap smear, have my car detailed or be able to accumulate points to go to Guatemala as a result of their new and improved services? I called to get my bank balance. Why do I need to listen to a minute or so of added amenities that have nothing to do with my checking account?

What’s next? I’m sure when all phones have visual components, we’ll all have to watch commercials and previews of coming perks until our eyes cross.

Or maybe, just maybe someone will invent a contraption that allows you to mute all the bull#*#t so you can get want you really wanted , the information you called for…what a thought!

Loretta LaRoche writes the Get A Life Column for the Patriot Ledger.

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Almost Home: Embracing the Magical Connection Between Positive Humor & Spirituality

“Almost Home: Embracing the Magical Connection Between Positive Humor & Spirituality” is the autobiographical journey of Jacki Kwan as she learns to bring laughter into her own life as well as the lives of others. In the text Jacki shows how she has learned to use laughter to help heal (physically as well as emotionally) and inspire. It is consistently clear throughout the text that she encourages the use of positive humor to connect to your deeper spiritual self as well as to help others connect with themselves.

Jacki works with a theraputic humor program and has helped create such programs at various locations. If you are interested in using humor for therapy the appendices contain useful information and resources.

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Get A Life by Loretta Laroche

Whenever I do a seminar on stress management, I always get a majority of individuals who want to spend a lot of time discussing the past and how different their lives would have been if they had made better decisions. It’s all well and good to visit the past if it serves as a way to learn valuable lessons that make life more meaningful. Unfortunately most people act as if they are prisoners of their pasts.

Albert Ellis, a renowned expert in the field of cognitive behavioral therapy, coined a phrase I absolutely love. He calls getting stuck in what ifs’ “shoulding on yourself”. I should have gotten a different job, I should have married someone else, I should exercise more, eat better, and on and on.

If you can relax and stop “shoulding on yourself”, you’re going to enjoy life much more.

Here are some steps to help you live more in the here and now:

1. Whenever you get caught up in thinking about what you should have done, stop and think about what a waste of energy that is. You can’t go back and redo it, because that period of time has passed. As long as you’re still breathing, there’s a possibility that you can do it now. However, if you have no intention to follow through, give it up and move on.

2. Buy yourself a whip and keep it handy. Every time you start to drown yourself or others in “should” grab the whip and give yourself a good beating. You’re already self-flagellating, so why not do it as authentically as possible.

3. Keep a “should” journal. You’ll probably be shocked to discover how many times a day “shoulda, coulda, woulda, comes out of your mouth.

4. There are certain things that have to be done in life. Do them to the best of your ability and then forget about them.

5. Don’t allow “shoulding” to go on at home or at work. Ask people to express themselves in better ways. “Shoulding” is filled with judging and finding fault. As a result, our surroundings become a courtroom filled with prosecutors and attorneys.

Life is too precious to waste on what might have been. Get over it, get on with it and live “NOW”.

Posted in: Get A Life

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