Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Journal of Nursing Jocularity

Archive for October, 2009

Nurse Marge in Charge

Dear Nurse Marge,

What do you do when you work with someone who is gross? I mean, really, really dirty? We have an aide who NEVER wears gloves — I’ve seen her pat down a bed to see ‘how wet it is’. Urine goes everywhere of course — but she doesn’t care!

I’m not sure if it’s bad luck or what, but I seem to ALWAYS be working with this aide. And I’ve got to tell you: it’s turning my stomach. I’m starting to dread going to work, just because who knows what she’s going to do next? What should I do?

Signed,

Squeamish in San Diego

Dear Squeamish,

You’re talking about a delicate situation here, and I, of course, recommend the subtle approach. For example, when your aide smacks her hand down in a glistening yellow puddle, I recommend jumping a good eighteen inches to two feet backwards while yelping, “Holy mackerel! Are you trying to splatter me with biohazardous material or what, sister?” or “Dude, you might not mind smelling like a urinal, but that’s NOT for me!”

Other people might advocate a more direct approach, with some education about why it’s important to wear gloves, germ theory, the whole bit. I don’t buy it. By the time you’re out of diapers, you should be socialized enough to avoid playing with what’s normally found inside of them! She knows this behavior is unacceptable; she’s just used to no one calling her on it.

It might be smart to not do this in front of a patient — they might be even more squeamish than you are! But don’t be shy about bringing this up to management, because you’re not just dealing with something that makes you uncomfortable…you’re dealing with something that could make your patients very, very sick.

Good Luck!

Nurse Marge

Posted in: Jokes

Leave a Comment (0) →

Lost in Translation

My son was watching TV at his grandparent’s house while I was at work. An advertisement comes on for a certain medication, with all of the disclaimers, including, “Not to be taken by pregnant women or nursing mothers.”

My son said, “Well, Mom can’t take that then.”

This surprised my Mother, who hadn’t been told of any impending arrivals! So she questioned a little further, and my son said, “Well, Mom’s a Mom, and she’s a nurse, so…”

Apparently, I’m still a nursing mother!

Submitted by Kim Barnes, RN

Posted in: Uncategorized

Leave a Comment (0) →

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne

Horoscopes just for Nurses!

Scorpio

Scorpio shines with renewed energy and a fresh zeal for life: this may confuse colleagues and co-workers who are used to your normally more surly self. They’ll check for concussion, head trauma, a sudden spike in blood sugar…anything to explain this most uncharacteristic behavior! No fair swiping some dilating eye drops just to confuse the situation further…

Sagittarius

Research indicates that wearing a cell phone may weaken the bones in your hip — but they haven’t said anything about what cell phone usage does to the nurse who’s trying to triage the ’emergency’ patient who’s deep in an ‘important’ conversation. Practice deep breathing and try to avoid visualizing exactly where that Blackberry would fit!

Capricorn

Solitude surrounds you, Capricorn, as co-workers call in in droves. But you can handle it: You’re SUPERNURSE! Eight beds without help? Seven simultaneous codes? Five change of shift admits? We know you can do it…what do you mean, you don’t feel so good yourself?

Aquarius

Always fond of mystery, Aquarius finds a week full of challenges to decipher — particularly when it comes to reading charts. One could lament slipping grammar and punctuation skills or choose to view it as a sort of archaic cryptogram: if you solve it correctly, you get an extra shift off with pay!

Pisces

I don’t care what a nice, sweet grandmother-type she seems to be, don’t eat the cookies she dropped off for all the nurses. Oatmeal-prune drops aren’t going to do you any favors.

Aries

Yes, you have broad shoulders, Aries, but that doesn’t mean you have to carry the weight of the world upon them. Step back and recognize what you can change, what you can’t change, and what is clearly someone else’s fault.

Taurus

Story tellers surround you this week, Taurus. Some will be wonderful: geriatric patients recounting tender memories. Others will be interesting: the patient trying to explain exactly *how* she wound up with two visitors in bed with her, performing their own persona version of physical therapy. Take notes — this will all make a great novel someday!

Gemini

Given the limited number of orifices on the human body, you’d think that eventually people would run out of ways to mis-place catheters. This week will present you with the opportunity to discover that someone will always find a fresh new way to screw things up.

Cancer

Normally blessed with a stomach o’ steel, Cancer will find this week nausea-inducing. Reminding people to put on gloves/wash their hands/use a mask wouldn’t seem to be necessary, but might do wonders for your mental health!

Leo

When a colleague tries to check the O2 tank level by using her lighter, it’s time to move on to another facility. Just sayin’.

Virgo

Mysterious facts pop up in patient histories — something to consider when the patient presenting with ‘premature labor’ turns out to have (count ’em!) had two hysterectomies.

Libra

Stress and tension melt away as you realize that fixing what is wrong with Dr. Annoying is clearly beyond your scope of practice…Remember that being a jerk isn’t technically a diagnosable condition, and there is no known cure for stupidity!

Star Charts by Suzanne LaBarne are intended for entertainment purposes only!

Posted in: Games, Horoscopes, and Quizzes

Leave a Comment (0) →

No Time To Teach by Fran London, MS, RN

Frustrated trying to fit patient and family education into no time? Author, Fran London, RN, MS gives you the essentials and the inspiration you need to make a big impact on the quality of care and your patient’s quality of life.

No Time to Teach helps you learn fun, creative ways to:

-Assess, educate, coach and document your teaching.
-Make the most of every teaching opportunity with patients and families
-Take a team based approach to the patient education process.
-Incorporate technology and materials into your teaching. Go from “no time to teach” to “teaching in no time.”

Posted in: Books for nurses, Bubbly-ography

Leave a Comment (0) →

The Grim Reaper’s Name is Miss Communication

In Which Our Intrepid Crohn’s Patient Learns That
Flare-Ups Are Caused By The Full Moon,
Ice Chips Beat a Blank,
& When RNs Talk – Shut Up & Listen

By William D. Mongelli, M.L.S.

DAY ONE: MONDAY

I’m Too Obstructed To Die
The last time I was in hospital, so was Ronald Reagan, after nearly having been murdered by some impress-Jody-Foster bullets on an all-American D.C. street corner.

Flash-forward, dear Reader, to 2PM Monday afternoon—March 30th, 2009 precisely. (more…)

Posted in: Uncategorized

Leave a Comment (0) →
Page 1 of 7 12345...»